[L33T]

If you have some others feel free to contribute!

Chuck Norris,
...always does his math homework in pen.
...is the only man who can save social security
...always eats his vegetables, even the wheelchairs
...wrote John Hancock's name on the Declaration of Independence.
...runs with scissors
...can, and has on many occasions, switched the worlds magnetic poles.
...domesticated the dog.
...is harmful to radiation.
...covers his Slip 'n' Slide with gravel.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.


99% of Chuck Norris is kick ass. The remaining 1% is pain in your genitals. The other 10% contributes to world hunger because Chuck Norris always gives 110%.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

LOL bring em on!

[L33T]

Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

[AtlanticBlue99]

uncyclopedia? i love their chuck norris definition. they have a good few for vin deisel too

[L33T]

Share the definition?
I've not seen that one.


Just to prove how bad he was, Chuck Norris crucified himself, forced himself to die (because only Chuck Norris can kill Chuck Norris), kicked Satan in the gonads, and rose five minutes later. Now he roundhouse kicks anyone that doesn't call his birthday Chuckmas.

Haha I love that one, it's so going into my sig.

[AtlanticBlue99]

Don't Fuck With Chuck:

my favorites:

189. Chuck Norris does not spell check, the English language changes with him.
3. Chuck Norris can impregnate a woman by raising his right eyebrow, and he can impregnate a man by raising the left one.
6. Chuck Norris was every single guy in the Annabel Chong 251-man gang bang.
11. Chuck Norris invented water.
15. Instead of being born normally, Chuck punched his way out of his mothers womb and grew a beard shortly after.
21. A simple whiff of the Chuck causes women to orgasm.
23. Chuck Norris invented sex and then perfected it.
31. Chuck Norris went back in time and gave Karl Marx a roundhouse kick to the face. That's why communism fails.
45. The ocean is just Chuck Norris' sweat. That's how hard he works out.


49. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

58. Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the shit out of little kids.
59. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father did.
70. Chuck Norris has no taste buds.
84. Chuck Norris can piss into gail force winds.
93. Chuck Norris turned cats and dogs against each other.


and the funniest:
96. Chuck Norris can't swim, because his penis ALWAYS drags on the bottom. ...But he can breathe underwater so it doesn't matter.





and the Vin Deisel:

my favorites:

* Vin Diesel once went on a 3 week acid trip and woke up on the set of 2 Fast 2 Furious.
* Vin Diesel once read a eulogy at his own funeral. God Bless You, Vin.

* Vin Diesel doesn't have to do a goddamn thing for a Klondike Bar.
* Vin Diesel has two speeds, walk and kill.
* Vin Diesel was\will be the first\last Chrononaut, travelling back in time to father himself by impregnating his own mother.
* Vin Diesel NEVER walks. He has tiny bugs under his feet that carry him around.
* When Vin Diesel smokes cigarettes, his lungs get stronger.
* Vin Diesel can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
* Vin Diesel is Jesus's real dad.
* Whenever Vin Diesel puts out a cigarette, he throws it in slow motion into a long line of gasoline and calmly walks away as an inferno erupts behind him.

* Vin Diesel once ran out of alcohol, and tried drinking gasoline instead. He found it so delicious he singlehandedly caused the gas shortage of 1974.

* When Vin Diesel jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Vin instead.
* The U.S. actually dropped Vin Diesel onto Hiroshima, and that one can speak for itself.
* Vin Diesel invented the Swiss Army Knife then founded Switzerland so that there would be an army to use it.


* Vin Diesel's hair is too afraid of him to grow.
* Vin Diesel was considerably cheaper than his half-brother Vin Gasoline until W fucked everything up.
* When Vin Diesel goes to jail, he passes go and collects $200.
* Vin Diesel birthed himself.

* The last time Vin Diesel cried was 5600 years ago. Luckily he warned Noah in time.



* Napalm is liquid Vin Diesel.
* Vin Diesel's six-pack holds beer.


* If 1/3 = .333~, and 2/3 = .666~, and 1/3 + 2/3 = 3/3 = 1, and .333~ + .666~ = .999~, then .999~ = Vin Diesel. If .999~ = Vin Diesel, then Vin Diesel = 1. In addition, if Vin Diesel = God, then God = 1 and thus .999~ = God. And if that is true, then reality is really relative. And if God created reality, and reality is shaped by man, and man was created in God's image, then Vin Diesel = reality. However, God also created Satan, and if Satan was shaped by man, which shaped reality, which composes Vin Diesel, then Vin Diesel = Satan = God. And if God = Satan, then opposites = opposites and everything is backwards.tsixe ton seod leseiD niV ,eroferehT



those are from my post at offtopicz.com

[L33T]

84. Chuck Norris can piss into gail force winds. Haha I love it

[AtlanticBlue99]

yeah, i got it off of www.uncyclopedia.org - some funny stuff