[unlicensed to drive]

Well guys, I could really use some advice or comfort right now.


Today my mom was putting in laundry, and she found a woman's shirt. It was not clean and smelled like perfume. My mom confronted my dad about it and he said he must have accidentally picked it up from the pile of laundry next to his at the hotel(the other pile was a woman's), and put it in with his.

My mom had her doubts because he seemed to be very bothered and shocked by her confronting him about it, and he didn't understand why finding it upset her. He also thought it was funny that she asked.

So she was pissed off and said she needed to go for a drive alone, then my dad said I'll just leave then. He said he had to go out of town for a few days this week so he thought it would be more convenient to just go now. My mom didn't think it was fair to me and my brother, but he didn't seem to care. He only got back in town today at 11 AM after being gone since last Tuesday.
We begged him to stay but it didn't phase him at all.

Then he picked up his bag, got whatever else he needed, then walked out the door. Me and my brother went outside to ask him when he's coming back, he said that he didn't know. My brother said he loved him, and my dad said,"Yeah I can really see that." When I saw the look in his eyes it looked like he had the intention of leaving us for good.

Besides us, he has family problems too with his parents, he doesn't even talk to his mom anymore(very long story). I don't want us to end up in the same relationship, but look what's happening.

We talked about the problems six months ago and we thought they were fixed but my dad just pretended they were until a few weeks ago. So instead of dealing with the problems, he just walked out the door.

[BWAL]

live with him if anything happens, your mom doesn't own a mustang

sorry to hear about your situation

[unlicensed to drive]

I couldn't give a damn about the mustang right now, I'm just super upset. They aren't divorced or seperated, he just left. He may come back, I don't know. I just really hope he regrets leaving. He may not be even going out of town, for all I know he could just be in a hotel right now thinking over everything.

[Black Bullitt]

That sucks, bro. Maybe family counciling will help, but from the sounds of it you might have a huge challenge of getting your Dad there. Best of wishes and prayers sent.

[AMmuslGT]

sorry to hear that man

[unlicensed to drive]

Thanks man, I'm just really pissed off and upset right now. I was crying a lot and usually even when I feel like crying I don't. You're exactly right, we aren't going to be able to get him to go to counseling, suprisingly he made an appointment with his doctor to do that but I doubt he will now with this shit going on.

Ever since now my parents have never really got in a serious argument or fight so it's all a shock to me. It's like a real life soap opera.

[Black Bullitt]

Well, I guess if he tries to leave your family, you could always go hide the mustang from him. lol No, don't do that...you'll get yourself in trouble.

[unlicensed to drive]

My dad is always out of town doing his job, that's what it requires, so it makes him miserable. He pretty much has been taking his stress out on us. When he's here he is not fun to be around anymore, he always seems so irritable. Even when I'm feet away from him on my PC I tend to barely talk to him. When he gets home from being out of town for a week I don't even feel excited anymore. I just feel,"Dad's here, ok." I'm even nervous around him now. I still love him but I can't seem to show it externally anymore.

He doesn't have a lot of control over stuff like our bedtimes, so he feels he has no purpose anymore, so that may have made him feel the need to not be here more. What does he expect when he's out of town all the time? It's like how England tried to control American settlers in the colonial days.

My mom plays both parents, and when my dad is here he seems to force rules upon us instead of kindly asking us to obey him.

[Genevieve!]

I'm pretty much a ""Debbie Downer" so be advised.

I was in your same situation when I was 16, except reversed.

If your brother is younger (by more than just a year or two than you), you need to keep an eye out for him.

whatever happens, Happens. Sorry to say but there isn't shit you can do about it, its between your mom and dad. I know, It seems like you can interfere, like in the movies when the kids get their parents back together and its a big happy family like nothing ever happened again, but that's just not reality. In the end its between two adults. A lot of people say "well the parents should stay together for the Children" but honestly, does that seem like its going to be a Healthy Happy family? Most likely Not.

If you want to keep a relationship with your father I suggest trying to make it work between HIM and YOU.

I was never close to my father until my parents got divorced and I chose to stay with my dad. My mom and I fought all the time when we were all living together, so It also strengthened my relationship with my mother, not living with her and fighting all the time.

As for the feeling nervous around him, I know exactly how that feels, but if your parents Do end up getting divorced (worst case scenario of course) spending one and one time with him will help that significantly. Things may not be how they used to be, but hey it could also become better.

[unlicensed to drive]

Originally Posted by GenevieveD I'm pretty much a ""Debbie Downer" so be advised. I was in your same situation when I was 16, except reversed. If your brother is younger (by more than just a year or two) than you, you need to keep an eye out for him. whatever happens, Happens. Sorry to say but there isn't shit you can do about it, its between your mom and dad. I know, It seems like you can interfere, like in the movies when the kids get their parents back together and its a big happy family like nothing ever happened again, but that's just not reality. In the end its between two adults. A lot of people say "well the parents should stay together for the Children" but honestly, does that seem like its going to be a Healthy Happy family? Most likely Not. If you want to keep a relationship with your father I suggest trying to make it work between HIM and YOU. I was never close to my father until my parents got divorced and I chose to stay with my dad. My mom and I fought all the time when we were all living together, so It also strengthened my relationship with my mother, not living with her and fighting all the time.

I'm already "downed" so there's not much else that can make it worse. I WANT to make my relationship better with my dad, but he doesn't seem to want to talk about anything, so it kind of keeps me from mentioning it. He only wants to talk when it's convenient for him, and I don't know when the hell that is.

I'm really close to my mom, I discuss almost everything with her, and it makes me depressed when I compare mine/her relationship to me/my dad's.

He just thinks running away from problems= a fix. It pisses me off.
He also left probably because he had no more excuses about the woman's shirt, I mean he was leaving as fast as he could.

He says that me and him won't end up like how him and his dad are, but how the hell can he promise me that now?

Me, my mom, and my bro have all noticed he's a different person, he's just not the same.

[Genevieve!]

That sucks. My mom totally changed a few months before my parents divorced, she didn't seem like the same person AT ALL, I mean her taste in music changed, her wardrobe changed.. It took me a while to re-establish a relationship with her, Probably a few years.. sometime after I graduated High School.

I think giving him time will make him shape up, Once he realizes what hes just done. Right now hes probably just messed up and confused as hell. Hopefully he comes around.

But at the moment, your mom probably needs you and your siblings (don't know if you just have a brother or more) to be there for her. This shit sucks.

[unlicensed to drive]

And Genevieve, the problem is NOT between just my parents, it involves me and my bro too. We do homeschooling so we are around my mom everyday, so we see how the problems effect her, then it effects me/brother. I'm around my dad almost all the time I'm here so I get to deal with how he acts, like he takes his stress out on us too. He has been hiding a series of seemingly mended family problems, and when we realized they weren't based on his irritability and shortness as of lately, everything went back to shit again.


SHIT my dad's taste in music has been changing, he's started to like country more.

Don't worry we are always there for her and that's just what she needs.

[futureMACH1racer]

All I can say is G Child's mother, and my mother are cut from the same cloth. She left me home alone when I 6. She took my sisters, and moved to Florida. I don't really know why she left me behind, and I don't care to know why. I was home alone for 7 hrs before she called my grandparents to tell them to come for me. They raised me until my father got out of prison.

[unlicensed to drive]

That really sucks.

Even if my dad does come back, it just won't be the same. Even if the problems are resolved it won't be the same. I just don't think I'll ever feel the same about him emotionally ever again.

When my parents were arguing I was SUPER pissed, my dad just kept throwing excuses at my mom and trying to make it look like she was in the wrong, and as you all know now he said he was leaving, so I said,"Running away from your problems again huh?"

That just pissed him off. He couldn't take it that his 14 year old son was standing up to him. So he said that was the icing on the cake. He also said he doesn't need to be hearing those kind of comments from a 14 year old kid. That really pissed me off, just because I'm 14 he doesn't give a crap what I say, no matter how logical it is.

[MamaStang]

I had this whole long thing typed out and it timed out on me.


The best advice I can give you is to not try to fix this for them. Let them do what they have to do and stay away from it. Be helpful around the house, help take care of your brother and keep that relationship super strong. The three of you have to bond right now.

Your Dad is having some issues right now that he has to work through and that directly involves your Mom. But there isn't anything you or your bro can do other than just be good kids, focus on growing up to be strong, well balanced young men and do not repeat the mistakes your folks have made.

We're here for you but PLEASE find someone outside of your family to talk to - pastor, teacher, coach or neighbor...someone that you can trust if you need something or some place safe....

We're here for you.

[BWAL]

Originally Posted by mustangfan123 That really sucks. Even if my dad does come back, it just won't be the same. Even if the problems are resolved it won't be the same. I just don't think I'll ever feel the same about him emotionally ever again. When my parents were arguing I was SUPER pissed, my dad just kept throwing excuses at my mom and trying to make it look like she was in the wrong, and as you all know now he said he was leaving, so I said,"Running away from your problems again huh?" That just pissed him off. He couldn't take it that his 14 year old son was standing up to him. So he said that was the icing on the cake. He also said he doesn't need to be hearing those kind of comments from a 14 year old kid. That really pissed me off, just because I'm 14 he doesn't give a crap what I say, no matter how logical it is.

why? because he left the house? dude, for all you know, he could just be driving down the road to think the situation over and to try to calm himself down.. don't jump to conclusions.. seriously man, try to stay out of the argument.. whether it seems like it or not, your parents love you, and with your dad going through a tough time like this, you showing him disrespect and making a remark about "running away from his problems" probably isn't a great idea and could cause him to seriously do something stupid.. it's probably bad enough that his wife thinks he's cheating on her, but for his son to act like he hates him is probably making him feel like absolute shit right now

don't jump to any conclusions just yet

[unlicensed to drive]

Originally Posted by BWAL09 why? because he left the house? dude, for all you know, he could just be driving down the road to think the situation over and to try to calm himself down.. don't jump to conclusions.. seriously man, try to stay out of the argument.. whether it seems like it or not, your parents love you, and with your dad going through a tough time like this, you showing him disrespect and making a remark about "running away from his problems" probably isn't a great idea and could cause him to seriously do something stupid.. it's probably bad enough that his wife thinks he's cheating on her, but for his son to act like he hates him is probably making him feel like absolute shit right now don't jump to any conclusions just yet

Well there's a lot of stuff that's been leading up to this, the shirt thing is not the only thing he was deceptive about. I said that he's running away from his problems because everytime we try to talk to him, he makes excuses to not confront them. He doesn't realize him hiding these problems is tearing us all apart. My mom does everything in her power to make him happy, her top priority besides us is that. The main thing she does for my dad is keeping the house clean. Even though she does my dad still finds something to complain about, and it upsets my mom. My mom has an auto immune illness so it makes it that much harder on her. She never complains about her illness but my dad says she does the complete opposite. Probably because of his demanding job, he has lost understanding of how she feels. It's almost like he doesn't care to know how she feels anymore.

There's a lot more stuff that my mom wouldn't want me saying btw.

He's created a lot of previous hurt too so that's also why I won't ever feel the same about him. Like I said I barely have any excitement anymore when he comes home.

[BWAL]

well i've got some bad news for you bro.

i can tell you right now that i happen to know for a FACT that your dad is cheating on your mom.

how do i know?

it sounds like you're describing my dad

[unlicensed to drive]

Originally Posted by BWAL09 well i've got some bad news for you bro. i can tell you right now that i happen to know for a FACT that your dad is cheating on your mom. how do i know? it sounds like you're describing my dad

We kinda figured before, we just didn't say anything to my dad about our accusations of him cheating because that would just piss him off even more.

I mean how can I believe my dad saying he didn't know where the shirt came from if he makes such a big deal about my mom being pissed about it?

[BWAL]

meh, i think you missed the joke in my post

just wait it out, see if he comes home tonight, let him and your mom talk, and see where the situation goes from here. this could be a big misunderstanding at this point, and i think he needs a chance to tell his side of the story