[XTCNAGT]

It is near the end of the school year. The teacher has turned in her
grades. There is really nothing to do. All the kids are restless because
there is nothing to do and it is near the end of the day.

The teacher says, "Whoever answers the questions I ask first and
correctly can leave early today." Little Johnny says to himself, "Good,
I want to
get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question".

The teacher asked, "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?" Before
Johnny could open his mouth, Susie said, "Abraham Lincoln". The teacher
said, "That's right Susie. You can go". Johnny was MAD. Susie answered
first.

The teacher asked, "Who said, 'I Have a Dream'?" Before Johnny could
open
his mouth, Mary said, "Martin Luther King". The teacher said, "That's
right Mary. You can go". Johnny was even MADDER than before. Mary
answered first.

The teacher asked, "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for
you'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth, Nancy said, "John Kennedy".
The
teacher said, "That's right Nancy. You can go". Johnny was BOILING MAD.
Nancy answered first.

Then the teacher turned her back, and Johnny said, "I wish these bitches
would keep their mouths shut".

The teacher asked, "WHO SAID THAT?"

Johnny said, "TIGER WOODS! CAN I GO NOW?"

[Lefty]

A teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you
shoot one of them, how many will be left?'
She calls on little Ralphy.


He replies, 'None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.'


The teacher replies, 'The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.'


Then little RALPHY says, 'I have a question for YOU.


There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:


One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.


The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?'


The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, 'Well, I suppose the one
that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.'


To which Little RALPHY replied, 'The correct answer is 'the one with the
wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking.'

[Lefty]

Little RALPHY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.


'Why?' asks the father?


'The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3,'' I said '6', replies RALPHY.


'But that's right!' says his dad.


'Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?''


'What's the f...... difference?' asks the father.


'That's what I said!'

[Lefty]

Little RALPHY goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to
learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a
multi-syllable word?'


RALPHY says 'Mas-tur-bate.'


Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little RALPHY, that's a mouthful.'


Little RALPHY says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob.'

[Lefty]

Little RALPHY was sitting in class one day.
All of a sudden, he needed to go to the toilet.
He yelled out, 'Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!'


The teacher replied, 'Now, RALPHY, that is NOT the proper word to use in
this situation.
The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.'
Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow
you to go.'


Little RALPHY, thinks for a bit, and then says, 'You're an eight, but if
you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!'

[1FastFox]

lol. Thats pretty good.

[Lefty]

One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of
hands from those who could use the word 'beautiful' in the same sentence
twice.


First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, 'My father bought my
mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.'


'Very good, Suzie,' replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.


'My mummy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully.'


She said, 'Excellent, Michael!' Then the teacher reluctantly called on
little RALPHY.


'Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was
pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just f...... beautiful!''

[Lefty]

Little RALPHY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after
another.
After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, 'Son, you know
eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your
teeth, and make you fat.'


Little RALPHY replied, 'My grandfather lived to be 107 years old.'


The man asked, 'Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?'
Little RALPHY answered, 'No, he minded his own f....... business.

[2006GTARPD3]

Pissing my pants over here

[Lefty]

Yeah I was rolling on the floor when my dad sent me all these.

[06RedfireGT]

This thread is full of win

[Rich11]

awesome!

[Seabee]

He minded his own f*ckin business

Thats always my fave

[WAR-PARTY]

You just gotta love Ralphy and Little Jonny!

[vastang757]

[vastang757]

Ms. Smith stopped to reprove Johnny for making faces: "Johnny, when I was small, my mother used to tell me that if I made ugly faces, at some moment it would freeze and stay like that." Johnny looked up at her and thoughtfully replied: "Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't forewarned."

[vastang757]

The teacher asks everyone in the class to demonstrate something exciting. When Johnny's turn came, he walked to the blackboard and drew a small dot. "What's that?" the teacher asked, puzzled. "It's a period."
"Well, I see that, but what's exciting about a period?"
"Damned if I know, but this morning my sister said she missed one... Dad had a heart attack, mom fainted, and the guy next door shot himself."