[dr.gonzo!]

I was working in a vacant apartment and taking down a ceiling fan when it hit me. I had to poo and I had to poo now. the vacant I was in already had the toilet pulled and sitting in the tub because the bathroom was getting new vinyl put in.

My boss calls and says that she is leaving for the day, so I think awsome, I can sneek the key to another vacant and use that one" but when I get to the shop and she is still asking me about all the parts that came in and I am standing there clinching like rosie odonald to a hot dog.

I finally get the key to the vacant and run to the bathroom only to find that the toilet is in the tub like the other apartment I was in. so I had to mount this toilet while max turtling in order to finally go bm. morel of the story is sometimes you have to mount a toilet before you can shit. how this applies to your life, fuck I don't know man. why are you even reading this shit? I just wrote this to have something to do while going and I am done now. good day.

[justin146]

Go in the woods.

[TheUNZippee!]

[Mach1dmb!]

At least you made sure it was bolted down

[dr.gonzo!]

Originally Posted by Mach1dmb! At least you made sure it was bolted down

. it wasn't. it only had one bolt coming from the flange and I did not have any of the nuts to tighten it down. pretty much just over the hole and hooked up the water. was a bitches too because it wanted to get cross threaded about 5 times before it went on right.

[brokenweasel]

I Fart In Your General Direction! - YouTube

I Fart In Your General Direction! - YouTube

[mustanginky]

a couple weeks ago i went deer hunting. i got about 200 yards outside of my truck before i was hit with shitting pains. i decided to forge on and thought it might go away. it was about 6:15 am. i continue on the 1/2 mile to my tree stand. i get to my stand and am sweating. i stop for a minute before tying my gun to my lift rope, and climbed up. i get into the stand and set down and attempt to stop this from happening. i couldn't. i basically ran down the tree as fast as i could and drop trousers leaned up a against a tree. then i had a problem with it being dark and not having toilet paper. i sacrificed my sweatshirt.

a couple months ago i drunkenly pee'd the bed.
about a year ago i sharted in my shower
about 5 months ago i sharted while peeing luckily prior to showering that day.

[00MustangGtPremium]

Originally Posted by mustanginky a couple weeks ago i went deer hunting. i got about 200 yards outside of my truck before i was hit with shitting pains. i decided to forge on and thought it might go away. it was about 6:15 am. i continue on the 1/2 mile to my tree stand. i get to my stand and am sweating. i stop for a minute before tying my gun to my lift rope, and climbed up. i get into the stand and set down and attempt to stop this from happening. i couldn't. i basically ran down the tree as fast as i could and drop trousers leaned up a against a tree. then i had a problem with it being dark and not having toilet paper. i sacrificed my sweatshirt. a couple months ago i drunkenly pee'd the bed. about a year ago i sharted in my shower about 5 months ago i sharted while peeing luckily prior to showering that day.

This thread is turning into show and tell (without the show part) lol

[iPAPKE]

Originally Posted by mustanginky a couple weeks ago i went deer hunting. i got about 200 yards outside of my truck before i was hit with shitting pains. i decided to forge on and thought it might go away. it was about 6:15 am. i continue on the 1/2 mile to my tree stand. i get to my stand and am sweating. i stop for a minute before tying my gun to my lift rope, and climbed up. i get into the stand and set down and attempt to stop this from happening. i couldn't. i basically ran down the tree as fast as i could and drop trousers leaned up a against a tree. then i had a problem with it being dark and not having toilet paper. i sacrificed my sweatshirt. a couple months ago i drunkenly pee'd the bed. about a year ago i sharted in my shower about 5 months ago i sharted while peeing luckily prior to showering that day.

Sharting pisses me off.

[dr.gonzo!]

[B's04gt]

Originally Posted by dr.gonzo!

[glittle75]

Used to work construction before joining. Was a family business, mainly just me, 2 brothers and my dad. We hired local help when needed. Wel,, we hired this guy for the day to paint inside for us. He was a crackhead, but the hardest working one you ever met. Only thing was, you had to pay him in cash, and at lunchtime. Whatever, we knew why, but didnt care because this guy worked circles around us when he was high. I was hanging sheetrock on the ceiling in this house, when all of a sudden, I had to poop, now. Had the poop pains you get when theres turds turning corners in there. No water or power on. dammit. Ran outside to the panel truck, and grabbed and empty paint can. Sat down and proceeded to fill it up with the good stuff. Get done, put the top on the can, and get some black spraypaint. painted and big "X" on the top of the lid. Put it in the truck, and was planning on trashing it when we got home. Jesse, the crackhead, goes to get more paint to finish the living room. Grabs the can, sticks it in the paint shaker. Goes inside with it, opens it, and without even looking dips his 4" brush in and smears it all over the wall. The whole place wreaked of poo. had to reapaint.......

In Iraq 2008, Was patrol leader, out on patrol outside ramadi. We get to our turn-around point, and i had to go. Mind you im completely dressed in all the shit we have to wear on patrol. When we turn around all 4 vehicles stop on the side of the road, then vic 1 3-points and goes, then 2, etc. I was in the 4th, so i had the longest time sitting at the turn-around point. I get out, make my dismounts get out to provide security, drop my flak jacket and trousers, and lean against the front right tire of the humvee. Projectile poo. All over the tire and inside of the wheel, mostly liquid. Finish at get in just in time to get back in formation. When we get back on base, we drop our trucks off to the 2 sorry e-3's that got stuck on duty washing trucks after they come back. poo was slung up all on the underside of the hood, humvee's dont have wheel well liners, so it was all over the engine, and all down the side of the truck. Poor bastards, bad part was i was Patrol Leader, so i had to go do debrief for an hour after patrol, couldn't stay to help.