[Drgnracin72]

FEEL FREE TO ADD YOUR OWN AT THE BOTTOM


A young boy and his grandfather were fishing one day. The grandpa pulls out a cigarette and lights up, the little boy sees him and asks can I have one? The grandpa thinks about it and asks the boy, can dick touch ur asshole? the boy thinks about it and says no. Grandpa says No then. A little later the grandpa pulls out a beer and cracks it open, The boy sees him and says Hey grandpa, can I have some? Again, the grandpa asks, can ur dick touch ur asshole? The young boy says no it cant. Grandpa says, well then no you can't have any. The kid is disappointed and just says fine. ... they fish a little longer the kid pulls out a piece of bubble gum starts chewing it. The grandpa sees him and says hey, can i have a piece of your gum? The kid quickly asks his grandpa, can ur dick touch ur asshole? The grandpa says, well yeah. The kid says good for you! go fuck yourself, this is my gum...

[Drgnracin72]

A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks the question....

WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"

HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"

WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"

HUSBAND: "Of course I do."

WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"

HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again."

WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look)

HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)

WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"

HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."

WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"

HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"

WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"

HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."

WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"

HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."

WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?"

HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own."

WIFE: "Would you take her hunting with you?

HUSBAND: "Yes, those are always good times."

WIFE: "Would she use my gun?"

HUSBAND: "No, your gun is a bolt action and she's left-handed."

WIFE: -- silence --

HUSBAND: "shit."

[Drgnracin72]

A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi... You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job."

The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is Excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac daughter. You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips. You will have to satisfy her sexual urges. You'll have a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The starting salary is $200,000 a year".

The guy says, "You've GOT to be bullshittin' me!"

The social worker says, "Yeah, well, you started it."

[Drgnracin72]

>"Loyalty " is a man thing....
>
>Friendship Between Women:
>
>A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that
>she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best
>friends. None of them knew about it.
>
>Friendship Between Men:
>
>A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had
>slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best
>friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed
>that he was still there.

^^ that made me laugh good

[Drgnracin72]

A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase. He
asks, "What are you doing?"

She answers, "I'm moving to Nevada. I heard prostitutes there get paid
$400 for doing what I do for you for free."

Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and
sees her husband packing his suitcase. When she asks him where he's
going, he replies,

"I'm coming, too. I want to see how you live on $800 a year"

[Drgnracin72]

Old Men
The old farmer had a large pond in the back, fixed
up nicely; picnic tables, barbecue pit, horseshoe
courts, along with some apple and peach trees. The
pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming
when it was built.
One evening, the old guy decided to go down to the
pond and look it over. He hadn't been there for a
while. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back
some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and
laughing with glee.
As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young
women skinny dipping in his pond. As he approached, he
made the women aware of his presence.
At once, they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming
out until you leave. The old man frowned, "I did not
come down here to watch you young ladies swim naked,
or to make you get out of the pond naked."
Holding up the bucket, he said, "I'm here to feed the
alligator."
Moral: Old men can still think fast

[97Cobra]

i thought this was funny as hell lol


One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit."

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"

I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least she knows I'm smarter than her.

[97Cobra]

A man was in a long line at the supermarket. As he got to the register he realized he had forgotten to get condoms, so he asked the checkout girl if she could have some brought
up to the register.

She asked, "What size condoms?"

The customer replied that he didn't know. She asked him to drop his pants. He did. She reached over the counter, grabbed hold of him and called over the intercom, "One box of large condoms, Register 5."

The next man in line thought this was interesting, and like most men, was up for a cheap thrill. When
he got up to the register, he told the checker that he too had forgotten to get condoms, and asked if
she could have some brought to the register for him. She asked him what size, and he stated that he didn't know. She asked him to drop his pants. He did. She gave him a quick feel, picked up the intercom and said, "One box of medium-sized condoms, Register 5."

A few customers back was this teenage boy. He thought what he had seen was way too cool. He had never had any type of sexual contact with a live female, so he thought this was his chance. When he got to the register he told the checker he needed some condoms. She asked him what size and he said he didn't know. She asked him to drop his pants and he did. She reached over the counter, gave him a quick squeeze, then picked up the intercom and said...

"Cleanup, Register 5"

[Drgnracin72]

hahaha thats fuckin great!!!!!!!!

[00SoSlow]

97 cobra both were hilarious... i like the one with ur gf the best haha good call on taht one

[97Cobra]

LOL thanks

[Bossman351]

Brokeback Funeral

Three gay men died, and were going to be cremated. Their lovers happened to be at the funeral home at the same time, and were discussing what they planned to do with the ashes.

The first man said, "My Benny loved to fly, so I'm going up in a plane and scatter his ashes in the sky."

The second man said, "My Carl was a good fisherman, so I'm going to

scatter his ashes in our favorite lake."

The third man said, "My Bruce was such a good lover, I think I'm going to dump his ashes in a pot of chili, so he can tear my ass up just one more time."

[Drgnracin72]

hahahahaha thats some nasty shit

[97Cobra]

NASTY!!!!! LMAO

[stang_babe]

so a husband and wife are fighting and the dad calls the mom a bitch and the mom calls the dad a basterd then there 2 yr old son walks in and say mammy what does mean basterd and she says a very nice man the kid says ok then looks at his dad and says daddy what does mean bitch and he says a very nice woman so the kid say ok an walks off. and walks by the bathroom were his dad is shaving and the dad cuts himself and says shit and the kid says daddy what does shit mean the dad says shaving now why dont you go down stairs and see what your mother is doing the kids ok and goes of downstairs and into the kichen were his mom is carcvingthe trekey and shecuts herself and say fuck! the kid say mommy what does fuck mean she says carving trekey. so the kid goes out to the livingroom were all the guess are and hi all you bitchs and basteds my dads up stairs shiting and my moms in the kichen fucking the trekey.