[WAR-PARTY]

1) When I die, I want to die like my grandfather--who died peacefully
in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car." =

2) Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get
headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin"
and "Keep away from children."

3) "Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support
group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar." =

4) "The problem with the designated driver program is that it's not a
desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with
it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house." -

5) "If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an
infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even
considering if there is a man on base." -

6) "Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we should
treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you,
they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay,
and the day before they leave you, they should have to find you a
temp." =

7) "My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in
the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying
to teach you how to swim'. --

8) "A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal
skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study:
'Duh.'" -

9) "Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant??? I'm halfway
through my fish burger and I realize, 'Oh my God... I could be eating a
slow learner.'"

10) "I think how Chicago got started is that a bunch of people in New
York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just
isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'" --

11) "If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators
would be dead."

13) "My parents didn't want to move to Florida , but they turned sixty
and that's the law."
14) "Remember in elementary school, you were told that in case of fire
you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to
tallest.
What is the logic in that? What, do tall people burn slower?" =

15) "Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same."

16) "Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of
Congress. But I repeat myself." -

17) "Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At
least they can find Afghanistan ." --

18) "You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give
you a look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've thought
of that!'"

19) "Do you know why they call it 'PMS'? Because "Mad Cow Disease"
was taken." -

My fav! 20) "Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have
another beer." - W. C. Fields

20) “Any man that hates kids and dogs can’t be all bad.” W.C Fields

21) “I don’t drink water cause fish fuck in it!” W. C. Fields

[TurboLX]

[MSO]

the first one is funniest LOL

[acehogg69]

Goood shit!!!

[smoke-em]

#3 all the way see you guys there

[TheUNZippee!]

*ahem*

"Arguing with a Honda owner is like wrasslin' with a pig in the mud. After a while you begin to realize the pig likes it."

Sorry 200Si.

[acehogg69]

Originally Posted by TheUNZippee! *ahem* "Arguing with a Honda owner is like wrasslin' with a pig in the mud. After a while you begin to realize the pig likes it." Sorry 200Si.

[oldernewbie]

F**K Me!

[Luis_GT]

#4

[06RedfireGT]

Originally Posted by Luis_GT #4

thats fun!!!

and heres some good advice for ya'll

"Don't drink and park, cause accidents make people."

[dr.gonzo]

good list. there was one more good one.

"I love to go to the schoolyard and watch the children jump and scream,



but they don't know I'm using blanks"