Voodoo Dick

06RedfireGT · August 16th, 2007, 01:53 AM

There was a businessman who was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn't much like the idea of her screwing someone else.

So he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation, to the old man.

"Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except ?" said the old man, and then he stopped.

"Except what?" asked the businessman.

"Nothing, nothing," said the old man.

"C'mon, tell me! I need something!" protested the businessman.

"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the 'voodoo dick,'" the old man said.

"So what's up with this voodoo dick?" the businessman asked.

The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old wooden box carved with strange symbols. He opened it, and there lay a very ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and said, "Big fucking deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!"

The old man said, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet."

He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo dick, the door."

The voodoo dick rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with the vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle. Before the door could split, the old man said, "Voodoo dick, get back in your box!"

The voodoo dick stopped, floated back to the box and lay there, quiescent once more.

The businessman said, "I'll take it!"

The old man resisted and said it wasn't for sale, but he finally surrendered to $700 in cash. The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say, "Voodoo dick, my pussy."

He left for his trip satisfied things would be fine while he was gone.

After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny. She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the voodoo dick. She got it out, and said "Voodoo dick, my pussy!" The voodoo dick shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was great, like nothing she'd ever experienced before.

After three orgasms, she decided she'd had enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgot to tell her how to shut it off. So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive to the hospital, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road, and she was pulled over by a policeman. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink. Gasping and twitching, she explained that she hadn't been drinking, but that a voodoo dick was stuck in her pussy, and wouldn't stop screwing.

The officer looked at her for a second, and then said, "Yea, right. Voodoo dick, my ass!"

joejoe8455 · August 16th, 2007, 02:00 AM

that is just wayyyyyy to much for me to read

06RedfireGT · August 16th, 2007, 02:01 AM

come on its 2 in the mornin. what else you gotta do?

joejoe8455 · August 16th, 2007, 02:03 AM

curl up in bed next to my lady

06RedfireGT · August 16th, 2007, 02:13 AM

Originally Posted by joejoe8455

curl up in bed next to HMUSN

fag

joejoe8455 · August 16th, 2007, 02:15 AM

............ he likes to spoon

06RedfireGT · August 16th, 2007, 02:19 AM

is there room for me?

Onemanzu · August 16th, 2007, 02:25 AM

ha ha i like this one...

Garhfer · August 16th, 2007, 02:30 AM

TurboLX · August 16th, 2007, 08:37 AM

the cop is SCREWED

ItalianBullitt754 · August 16th, 2007, 09:15 AM

Oldie but a goodie.

wicked wendy · August 16th, 2007, 09:20 AM

232stang · August 16th, 2007, 09:09 PM

LOL love the avatar wendy!

06RedfireGT · August 16th, 2007, 09:37 PM

OMG at first glance I thought it was like an old pussy lol.

August 16th, 2007, 01:53 AM	#1
06RedfireGT Like a Boss 2006 Mustang GT 13ish....maybe Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: I'm so badass I make medicine cry Posts: 18,386	Voodoo Dick There was a businessman who was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn't much like the idea of her screwing someone else. So he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation, to the old man. "Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except ?" said the old man, and then he stopped. "Except what?" asked the businessman. "Nothing, nothing," said the old man. "C'mon, tell me! I need something!" protested the businessman. "Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the 'voodoo dick,'" the old man said. "So what's up with this voodoo dick?" the businessman asked. The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old wooden box carved with strange symbols. He opened it, and there lay a very ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and said, "Big fucking deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!" The old man said, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet." He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo dick, the door." The voodoo dick rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with the vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle. Before the door could split, the old man said, "Voodoo dick, get back in your box!" The voodoo dick stopped, floated back to the box and lay there, quiescent once more. The businessman said, "I'll take it!" The old man resisted and said it wasn't for sale, but he finally surrendered to $700 in cash. The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say, "Voodoo dick, my pussy." He left for his trip satisfied things would be fine while he was gone. After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny. She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the voodoo dick. She got it out, and said "Voodoo dick, my pussy!" The voodoo dick shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was great, like nothing she'd ever experienced before. After three orgasms, she decided she'd had enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgot to tell her how to shut it off. So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive to the hospital, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road, and she was pulled over by a policeman. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink. Gasping and twitching, she explained that she hadn't been drinking, but that a voodoo dick was stuck in her pussy, and wouldn't stop screwing. The officer looked at her for a second, and then said, "Yea, right. Voodoo dick, my ass!" __________________ ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ Liberals are like cheese, they are full of holes, and stink. They lack the moral fiber to function as most of us do. When the world turns to chaos because of their actions, we will simply know them as food for the rest of us.

August 16th, 2007, 02:00 AM	#2
joejoe8455 I Try To Get With My Friends Wives 00 Mustang GT No Damn Clue Join Date: May 2007 Location: Williamsburg, VA Posts: 707	that is just wayyyyyy to much for me to read __________________ 2000 Mustang GT - 4.10's, Mac Prochamber, Flowmaster 44's, SCT2 Tuner Tuned @ http://www.dtpracing.com/ Yes me and Tiller are BFF's

August 16th, 2007, 02:01 AM	#3
06RedfireGT Like a Boss 2006 Mustang GT 13ish....maybe Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: I'm so badass I make medicine cry Posts: 18,386	come on its 2 in the mornin. what else you gotta do? __________________ ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ Liberals are like cheese, they are full of holes, and stink. They lack the moral fiber to function as most of us do. When the world turns to chaos because of their actions, we will simply know them as food for the rest of us.

August 16th, 2007, 02:03 AM	#4
joejoe8455 I Try To Get With My Friends Wives 00 Mustang GT No Damn Clue Join Date: May 2007 Location: Williamsburg, VA Posts: 707	curl up in bed next to my lady __________________ 2000 Mustang GT - 4.10's, Mac Prochamber, Flowmaster 44's, SCT2 Tuner Tuned @ http://www.dtpracing.com/ Yes me and Tiller are BFF's

August 16th, 2007, 02:15 AM	#6
joejoe8455 I Try To Get With My Friends Wives 00 Mustang GT No Damn Clue Join Date: May 2007 Location: Williamsburg, VA Posts: 707	............ he likes to spoon __________________ 2000 Mustang GT - 4.10's, Mac Prochamber, Flowmaster 44's, SCT2 Tuner Tuned @ http://www.dtpracing.com/ Yes me and Tiller are BFF's

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August 16th, 2007, 02:19 AM	#7
06RedfireGT Like a Boss 2006 Mustang GT 13ish....maybe Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: I'm so badass I make medicine cry Posts: 18,386	is there room for me? __________________ ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ Liberals are like cheese, they are full of holes, and stink. They lack the moral fiber to function as most of us do. When the world turns to chaos because of their actions, we will simply know them as food for the rest of us.

August 16th, 2007, 02:25 AM	#8
Onemanzu ¡ʇsnq ɹo uʍop ǝpısdn Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 11,840	ha ha i like this one...

August 16th, 2007, 02:30 AM	#9
Garhfer Hardcore Enthusiast 2004 Mustang GT Conv. Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Edgewater, FL Posts: 1,776	__________________ 2004 GT Boosted by Vortech

August 16th, 2007, 08:37 AM	#10
TurboLX Banned 1990 Mustang LX Turbo 9.71@141.6 mph Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: NY Posts: 8,780	the cop is SCREWED

August 16th, 2007, 09:15 AM	#11
ItalianBullitt754 Regular Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Naples, Italy Posts: 143	Oldie but a goodie. __________________ 01' DHG Bullitt Mustang 89' and 93' SHO's: Faster then you think 94' STS Cadillac: Ghetto cruiser

August 16th, 2007, 09:20 AM	#12
wicked wendy Newbie Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: florida Posts: 41	__________________ \| 1991 lx turbo coupe \| 1964 blown fairlane wagon \|

August 16th, 2007, 09:37 PM	#14
06RedfireGT Like a Boss 2006 Mustang GT 13ish....maybe Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: I'm so badass I make medicine cry Posts: 18,386	OMG at first glance I thought it was like an old pussy lol. __________________ ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ Liberals are like cheese, they are full of holes, and stink. They lack the moral fiber to function as most of us do. When the world turns to chaos because of their actions, we will simply know them as food for the rest of us.

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