Sorry if this is a repost, but had to share.
TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:
A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect from the engine.
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your soft drink can across the room, denting the freshly-painted project that you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.
Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, "Oh sh--!"
A powerful handheld tool for superheating and flinging small bits of metal that cause hundreds of small burns on any exposed skin.
An excellent tool for driving very long thin nails into wood deep enough to hit as knot and shoot the nail out the top of your project you painstakingly sanded and stained.
This bar is used to add a lot more leverage to snap off bolt heads, strip bolt threads on an aluminum block or break a socket that on bolts that are rusted into place.
A portable cutting tool used to make wooden studs too short or cut expensive trim at the wrong angle.
A small tool used to remove skin of your knuckles in tight spaces. Usually a mechanic will own hundreds of these except for the one size they need.
Used to round off bolt heads. Commonly used after rounding off a bolt from using a metric wrench on a standard bolt. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.
Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
A machine, that when not set correctly, rips wood out of your hands and send it flying at bullet speed into anything valuable you have in your shop or garage
A Large device use to spin a piece of wood or metal for precision shaping. Also very good at removing tools from your hands or loose clothing at the speed of light.
An electric or cordless saw for cutting hidden water pipes located behind walls. Also good for rendering its user unconscious when cutting though a live 220V wire you didnít know was there.
One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle...It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.
A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK:
Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.
CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER:
A large prybar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle.
EIGHT-FOOT LONG 2X4:
Used for levering an automobile upward off of a trapped hydraulic jack handle
PNUMATIC IMPACT WRENCH:
A device that grips rusty bolts that has been over-tightened 50 years ago by someone at Ford, and neatly rounds off their heads.
E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR:
A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps off in bolt holes you couldn't use anyway.
Mechanics typically use these to drive up on, then breaking or removing the front bumper as it catches when backing back down.
There are use for safety to hold a vehicle up while working on it, then slipping loose and punching a hole in your floorboard or expensive adjacent part.
A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.
Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads. These are also used to punch a hole into a stuck oil filter when the manufacturers place them in a position impossible to use a filter wrench on.
A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.
A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
A tool used to make hoses too short.
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent to the object we are trying to hit.
The home mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading.
Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but
only while in use.
SPARK PLUG SOCKET:
A socket specially made for breaking a sparkplugs off flush with the engine block. Excellent for turning a 30 minutes job into a 8 hour job.
Any tool you realize you need half way through a project but donít have. Often this specialty tool is required when you have spent two hours staring at your engine thinking it is next to impossible to reach or remove a part. This tool is usually very expensive and only needed once in your life.
(A personal favorite!) - Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling "DAMMIT!" at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need but now canít find. Itís also the tool that slips from your hand, drop into the engine bay and it suddenly disappears never too be seen again.