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post #1 of 20 Old January 10th, 2011, 02:09 PM Thread Starter
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Talking Tool Definitions:

Sorry if this is a repost, but had to share.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect from the engine.

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your soft drink can across the room, denting the freshly-painted project that you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, "Oh sh--!"

ANGLE GRINDER: A powerful handheld tool for superheating and flinging small bits of metal that cause hundreds of small burns on any exposed skin.

BRAD NAILER: An excellent tool for driving very long thin nails into wood deep enough to hit as knot and shoot the nail out the top of your project you painstakingly sanded and stained.

CHEATER-BAR: This bar is used to add a lot more leverage to snap off bolt heads, strip bolt threads on an aluminum block or break a socket that on bolts that are rusted into place.

SKIL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make wooden studs too short or cut expensive trim at the wrong angle.

WRENCH: A small tool used to remove skin of your knuckles in tight spaces. Usually a mechanic will own hundreds of these except for the one size they need.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Commonly used after rounding off a bolt from using a metric wrench on a standard bolt. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

THICKNESS PLANER: A machine, that when not set correctly, rips wood out of your hands and send it flying at bullet speed into anything valuable you have in your shop or garage

LATHE: A Large device use to spin a piece of wood or metal for precision shaping. Also very good at removing tools from your hands or loose clothing at the speed of light.

RECIPROCATING SAW: An electric or cordless saw for cutting hidden water pipes located behind walls. Also good for rendering its user unconscious when cutting though a live 220V wire you didnít know was there.

SCROLL SAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle...It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large prybar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle.

EIGHT-FOOT LONG 2X4:
Used for levering an automobile upward off of a trapped hydraulic jack handle

PNUMATIC IMPACT WRENCH: A device that grips rusty bolts that has been over-tightened 50 years ago by someone at Ford, and neatly rounds off their heads.

E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps off in bolt holes you couldn't use anyway.

SHOP RAMPS: Mechanics typically use these to drive up on, then breaking or removing the front bumper as it catches when backing back down.

JACK STANDS: There are use for safety to hold a vehicle up while working on it, then slipping loose and punching a hole in your floorboard or expensive adjacent part.

BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads. These are also used to punch a hole into a stuck oil filter when the manufacturers place them in a position impossible to use a filter wrench on.

STRANDARD SCREWDRIVER:
A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent to the object we are trying to hit.

TROUBLE LIGHT: The home mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading.

UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but
only while in use.

SPARK PLUG SOCKET: A socket specially made for breaking a sparkplugs off flush with the engine block. Excellent for turning a 30 minutes job into a 8 hour job.

WTF TOOL: Any tool you realize you need half way through a project but donít have. Often this specialty tool is required when you have spent two hours staring at your engine thinking it is next to impossible to reach or remove a part. This tool is usually very expensive and only needed once in your life.

DAMMIT TOOL: (A personal favorite!) - Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling "DAMMIT!" at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need but now canít find. Itís also the tool that slips from your hand, drop into the engine bay and it suddenly disappears never too be seen again.

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post #2 of 20 Old January 10th, 2011, 02:21 PM
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That is hysterical especially the WTF tool. Ive been there more times than I can count.
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post #3 of 20 Old January 10th, 2011, 02:28 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by n03stang View Post
That is hysterical especially the WTF tool. Ive been there more times than I can count.
That's one of them I added on to the list. I have a few of them.

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post #4 of 20 Old January 10th, 2011, 02:39 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Powerbuilt View Post

DAMMIT TOOL: (A personal favorite!) - Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling "DAMMIT!" at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need but now canít find. Itís also the tool that slips from your hand, drop into the engine bay and it suddenly disappears never too be seen again.
That's so true. Same thing happens with nuts and bolts. Once they fall in there, they're gone forever. It doesn't matter that they should logically bounce off something and hit the floor, you'll never find them.
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post #5 of 20 Old January 10th, 2011, 03:01 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mcqueen View Post
That's so true. Same thing happens with nuts and bolts. Once they fall in there, they're gone forever. It doesn't matter that they should logically bounce off something and hit the floor, you'll never find them.
Or if you are fortunate enough and does hit the floor, it defies gravity and physics and falls though the engine bay and winds up dead center under the car.. Lol

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post #6 of 20 Old January 10th, 2011, 03:11 PM
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thats awesome haha

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Commonly used after rounding off a bolt from using a metric wrench on a standard bolt. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

This happened to me when I was putting my hids in. Totally gave myself a blood blister.


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post #7 of 20 Old January 11th, 2011, 07:30 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 01SilverSixer View Post
thats awesome haha

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Commonly used after rounding off a bolt from using a metric wrench on a standard bolt. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

This happened to me when I was putting my hids in. Totally gave myself a blood blister.
Been there myself, but then again, I'm an IT guy so my hands are not as tough as they use to be when I was a kid.

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post #8 of 20 Old January 11th, 2011, 07:51 PM
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CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large prybar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle.

haha yes
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post #9 of 20 Old January 11th, 2011, 08:30 PM
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post #10 of 20 Old November 22nd, 2011, 01:13 PM
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lmao this is excellent. this is article that came up as a search result for "stuck header bolts".

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post #11 of 20 Old November 22nd, 2011, 02:43 PM
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post #12 of 20 Old November 22nd, 2011, 08:03 PM
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When I was younger, I always thought the WTF tool was something that I should have in my garage--and something any good mechanic would already have--but I hadn't had the opportunity to purchase.

Now that I'm older, I have a garage full of tools that I've only ever used once, for that one specific job that pissed me off so much that I'll never ever do it again, yet I don't want to get rid of the tool that I spent so much time looking for and money to get.

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post #13 of 20 Old November 22nd, 2011, 09:31 PM
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The WTF Tool is like my most used tool.

I can't tell you how many hours I've spent pondering how to do things, only to find out in 2 minute on the internet that I need a specialty tool.

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post #14 of 20 Old November 22nd, 2011, 10:28 PM
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lol
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post #15 of 20 Old November 22nd, 2011, 10:44 PM
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post #16 of 20 Old November 22nd, 2011, 10:47 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mcqueen View Post
That's so true. Same thing happens with nuts and bolts. Once they fall in there, they're gone forever. It doesn't matter that they should logically bounce off something and hit the floor, you'll never find them.
..and if you're like me, you've tried to recreate the "drop" by dropping something of comparable size and weight, just to see where the original one might have ended up.



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post #17 of 20 Old November 22nd, 2011, 10:50 PM
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post #18 of 20 Old November 23rd, 2011, 10:35 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sikedsyko View Post
The WTF Tool is like my most used tool.

I can't tell you how many hours I've spent pondering how to do things, only to find out in 2 minute on the internet that I need a specialty tool.
My first WTF tool was when trying to remove the waterpump from my truck. I had no freaking clue how to get the fan off and after 4 hours of work I hit the internet and relized I needed a huge wrench to go around the 4 bolts that hold the pully on the water pump.

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post #19 of 20 Old November 23rd, 2011, 10:47 PM
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post #20 of 20 Old November 23rd, 2011, 10:59 PM
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so much truth to that.


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