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post #41 of 74 Old August 12th, 2014, 11:21 AM
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I'm old enough I first remember him from Mork & Mindy when I was 10 years old, laughing my ass off at him sitting on his head. Hard to believe.

Shazbot, nanu nanu motherfuckers.

Incidentally? Those three silly words are the last words ever recorded by one Bon Scott of AC/DC fame before he died.


End of the song.




Fuck depression.



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post #42 of 74 Old August 12th, 2014, 11:47 AM
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Such a shame. I've always loved him as an actor and comedian. First movie I saw with him was Ms. Doubtfire. Guess there will be no sequel now




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post #43 of 74 Old August 12th, 2014, 12:12 PM
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I'm old enough I first remember him from Mork & Mindy when I was 10 years old, laughing my ass off at him sitting on his head. Hard to believe.

Shazbot, nanu nanu motherfuckers.

Incidentally? Those three silly words are the last words ever recorded by one Bon Scott of AC/DC fame before he died.


End of the song.

Night Prowler by AC/DC - YouTube



Fuck depression.
I wish it were that easy to just dismiss depression and tell it to fuck off. Dealing with it myself, and it's a very real danger. And if you think it's hard to believe someone with depression could make so many people laugh, think again. Some of my funniest moments have come at the time when I was darkest inside.

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post #44 of 74 Old August 12th, 2014, 01:49 PM
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Sometimes the reaction to cope with depression is comedy. Laughing at things is both a distraction and coping mechanism for both depression and anxiety and he's suffered from both for a long long time. If anything good could possibly come from this, it's that we need a better understanding of mental health and for society to be more accepting of it.

If you get sick from cancer, people bend over backwards to help but if you tell them you have mental health issues, you get alienated or told to "suck it up". This probably wasn't the case with Robin but it is for many many people. I know from experience and I can tell you that not being in his shoes but similar ones, it's difficult to and nearly impossible to fix yourself on your own. The shitty thing about depression and anxiety is that they feed themselves and each other in feedback loops that are hard to get out of and falling back into them is super easy. Couple that with how society thinks these are things you should keep to yourself and that they're non-issues doesn't help at all. I finally told my parents about my anxiety because it was at a point that my physical health was being affected. Keeping secrets make them worse.

We should have an open dialog about these kinds of things.

RIP Robin Williams.
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post #45 of 74 Old August 12th, 2014, 02:20 PM
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I wish it were that easy to just dismiss depression and tell it to fuck off. Dealing with it myself, and it's a very real danger. And if you think it's hard to believe someone with depression could make so many people laugh, think again. Some of my funniest moments have come at the time when I was darkest inside.
I've lived with someone with depression for 25 years. I hear what you're saying.

This is one of the horrible stigmas in regards to mental struggles such as depression. And it's not a malicious intent by those who don't fully understand depression. Many people assume that the person who is depressed can somehow never be happy or capable of the full range of what are the perceived 'normal' emotions. The reality is, one who suffers from depression also has the full gamut of all other feelings and emotions. Calmness. Happiness. Sadness. Anger. Frustration. Pride. Shame. Envy. You name it. They're capable of being happy for others, including wanting to make others laugh. One who suffers from depression is not just a constant black pit of despair, incapable of laughter or any other feeling and emotion. They are just people. The difference is, when one who isn't prone to depression, say someone like myself, feels sad or down about something, I don't feel worthless or hate myself. I never feel hopeless. I see the good in things even when I'm way down. See, EVERYONE gets way down. It's how you interpret and thus handle that feeling that can have you not even being able to wrap your own head around why things feel so black.

Catch-22? On top of feeling that despair and hopelessness, now quite often the person is MORE down on themselves for even feeling that way: "I must be a real moron to not be able to figure this out or handle this like others seem to."

As life goes on and I get older and older, I am more and more thankful and astounded for and by the lessons my mother gave me. Gifts. True gifts. Nothing greater. The gift of being able to understand and handle my own mind. Being able to understand that emotions are unformed thoughts. Being able to understand that all feelings and emotions are acceptable, but not all actions are. In Robin William's case, taking his own life. That's supposed to be unacceptable.

You cannot accept your own mistakes and perceived shortcomings if you can't begun to wrap your head around these concepts. I've had people tell me that this is all so much psycho-babble. I tell you, when a good man like Robin Williams is capable of killing himself, of ending his own life, it's not psycho-babble. It's not over analyzing. How much work do people put into building a car? Into learning a trade? Into their bodies if they're into fitness? Into a marriage? How about into raising your kids? You wanna just tell your kids "Don't over analyze your thoughts and emotions. Just roll with it. You are who you are." Fucking of course not. So if it would be important to build a car or get a mechanic's license of to get and stay healthy or to have a happy marriage or to raise strong and grounded children, it's fucking important for your own mind, and is not psych-babble. They simply do not teach enough of this stuff in schools and in life.

What is more complicated than the human mind? Humanity would do well to start placing it and themselves first in order that they understand it better. Not only would people be better to themselves, you'd have an added side bonus of having less evil in the world. Because lots of broken people don't just manifest their mental angst and struggles and issues into ending their own life.



Emotions are automatic. What to do with them is a learned process, and is not automatic. In the words of one Ayn Rand:


"Just as the pleasure-pain mechanism of man’s body is an automatic indicator of his body’s welfare or injury, a barometer of its basic alternative, life or death—so the emotional mechanism of man’s consciousness is geared to perform the same function, as a barometer that registers the same alternative by means of two basic emotions: joy or suffering. Emotions are the automatic results of man’s value judgments integrated by his subconscious; emotions are estimates of that which furthers man’s values or threatens them, that which is for him or against him—lightning calculators giving him the sum of his profit or loss.

But while the standard of value operating the physical pleasure-pain mechanism of man’s body is automatic and innate, determined by the nature of his body—the standard of value operating his emotional mechanism, is not. Since man has no automatic knowledge, he can have no automatic values; since he has no innate ideas, he can have no innate value judgments.

Man is born with an emotional mechanism, just as he is born with a cognitive mechanism; but, at birth, both are “tabula rasa.” It is man’s cognitive faculty, his mind, that determines the content of both. Man’s emotional mechanism is like an electronic computer, which his mind has to program—and the programming consists of the values his mind chooses.

But since the work of man’s mind is not automatic, his values, like all his premises, are the product either of his thinking or of his evasions: man chooses his values by a conscious process of thought—or accepts them by default, by subconscious associations, on faith, on someone’s authority, by some form of social osmosis or blind imitation. Emotions are produced by man’s premises, held consciously or subconsciously, explicitly or implicitly.

Your subconscious is like a computer—more complex a computer than men can build—and its main function is the integration of your ideas. Who programs it? Your conscious mind. If you default, if you don’t reach any firm convictions, your subconscious is programmed by chance—and you deliver yourself into the power of ideas you do not know you have accepted. But one way or the other, your computer gives you print-outs, daily and hourly, in the form of emotions—which are lightning-like estimates of the things around you, calculated according to your values."


If anyone actually took the time to read all that... hard to wrap your mind around?

Good. It's supposed to be. Anything worthwhile in life is only worthwhile if it requires effort and struggle.

I'm not sitting here telling you that every single person can eliminate their depression, or that we can stop every suicide. There are of course things like chemical imbalances, horrible family abuse and/or dysfunction, as factors that can manifest and worsen depression. But I'm telling you if more children were taught these principles- and not from grade 1 or grade 4 or or grade nine or whenever some people think children are ready for 'adult' premises- I'm talking about from when your child can start reading and understanding your voice, then we can VASTLY improve upon how human beings handle what are sadly considered negative emotions.

Here's the thing. I was NEVER taught that anger and sadness are negative emotions. I was taught that they are emotions. Period. Not negative. Human. Normal. You start thinking and believing that sadness and anger are negative emotions, you start doing things like attempting to repress thoughts and feelings (impossible), engaging in self loathing for feeling those things in the first place, thinking something is wrong with you. I was taught that it's ok to be sad, to be mad, and that it's what you do with that feeling and what you do about it that counts.

Any man who has ever suffered from anger issues, which is relatively common for us dudes, knows that the harder you try and bury anger the angrier you get. It must be meet and dealt with.

Just like all facets of life.



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post #46 of 74 Old August 12th, 2014, 02:30 PM
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The only celebrity death where I actually feel sad.
Exactly how I feel. He had that charm about him that made him so fun to watch. It made him seem like you could meet him at a friend's wedding or something and he would just make you laugh your ass off for hours, talking to you like you've been friends forever. I don't know if that's the way he really was, but he really is one of my favorite actors. It's amazing how he completely becomes each and every role, drama, comedy, doesn't matter because he did them all with such ease.

This really is the only celebrity death that actually did make me sad when I saw it. Such a shame.
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post #47 of 74 Old August 12th, 2014, 02:34 PM
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I've lived with someone with depression for 25 years. I hear what you're saying.

This is one of the horrible stigmas in regards to mental struggles such as depression. And it's not a malicious intent by those who don't fully understand depression. Many people assume that the person who is depressed can somehow never be happy or capable of the full range of what are the perceived 'normal' emotions. The reality is, one who suffers from depression also has the full gamut of all other feelings and emotions. Calmness. Happiness. Sadness. Anger. Frustration. Pride. Shame. Envy. You name it. They're capable of being happy for others, including wanting to make others laugh. One who suffers from depression is not just a constant black pit of despair, incapable of laughter or any other feeling and emotion. They are just people. The difference is, when one who isn't prone to depression, say someone like myself, feels sad or down about something, I don't feel worthless or hate myself. I never feel hopeless. I see the good in things even when I'm way down. See, EVERYONE gets way down. It's how you interpret and thus handle that feeling that can have you not even being able to wrap your own head around why things feel so black.

Catch-22? On top of feeling that despair and hopelessness, now quite often the person is MORE down on themselves for even feeling that way: "I must be a real moron to not be able to figure this out or handle this like others seem to."

As life goes on and I get older and older, I am more and more thankful and astounded for and by the lessons my mother gave me. Gifts. True gifts. Nothing greater. The gift of being able to understand and handle my own mind. Being able to understand that emotions are unformed thoughts. Being able to understand that all feelings and emotions are acceptable, but not all actions are. In Robin William's case, taking his own life. That's supposed to be unacceptable.

You cannot accept your own mistakes and perceived shortcomings if you can't begun to wrap your head around these concepts. I've had people tell me that this is all so much psycho-babble. I tell you, when a good man like Robin Williams is capable of killing himself, of ending his own life, it's not psycho-babble. It's not over analyzing. How much work do people put into building a car? Into learning a trade? Into their bodies if they're into fitness? Into a marriage? How about into raising your kids? You wanna just tell your kids "Don't over analyze your thoughts and emotions. Just roll with it. You are who you are." Fucking of course not. So if it would be important to build a car or get a mechanic's license of to get and stay healthy or to have a happy marriage or to raise strong and grounded children, it's fucking important for your own mind, and is not psych-babble. They simply do not teach enough of this stuff in schools and in life.

What is more complicated than the human mind? Humanity would do well to start placing it and themselves first in order that they understand it better. Not only would people be better to themselves, you'd have an added side bonus of having less evil in the world. Because lots of broken people don't just manifest their mental angst and struggles and issues into ending their own life.



Emotions are automatic. What to do with them is a learned process, and is not automatic. In the words of one Ayn Rand:


"Just as the pleasure-pain mechanism of man’s body is an automatic indicator of his body’s welfare or injury, a barometer of its basic alternative, life or death—so the emotional mechanism of man’s consciousness is geared to perform the same function, as a barometer that registers the same alternative by means of two basic emotions: joy or suffering. Emotions are the automatic results of man’s value judgments integrated by his subconscious; emotions are estimates of that which furthers man’s values or threatens them, that which is for him or against him—lightning calculators giving him the sum of his profit or loss.

But while the standard of value operating the physical pleasure-pain mechanism of man’s body is automatic and innate, determined by the nature of his body—the standard of value operating his emotional mechanism, is not. Since man has no automatic knowledge, he can have no automatic values; since he has no innate ideas, he can have no innate value judgments.

Man is born with an emotional mechanism, just as he is born with a cognitive mechanism; but, at birth, both are “tabula rasa.” It is man’s cognitive faculty, his mind, that determines the content of both. Man’s emotional mechanism is like an electronic computer, which his mind has to program—and the programming consists of the values his mind chooses.

But since the work of man’s mind is not automatic, his values, like all his premises, are the product either of his thinking or of his evasions: man chooses his values by a conscious process of thought—or accepts them by default, by subconscious associations, on faith, on someone’s authority, by some form of social osmosis or blind imitation. Emotions are produced by man’s premises, held consciously or subconsciously, explicitly or implicitly.

Your subconscious is like a computer—more complex a computer than men can build—and its main function is the integration of your ideas. Who programs it? Your conscious mind. If you default, if you don’t reach any firm convictions, your subconscious is programmed by chance—and you deliver yourself into the power of ideas you do not know you have accepted. But one way or the other, your computer gives you print-outs, daily and hourly, in the form of emotions—which are lightning-like estimates of the things around you, calculated according to your values."


If anyone actually took the time to read all that... hard to wrap your mind around?

Good. It's supposed to be. Anything worthwhile in life is only worthwhile if it requires effort and struggle.

I'm not sitting here telling you that every single person can eliminate their depression, or that we can stop every suicide. There are of course things like chemical imbalances, horrible family abuse and/or dysfunction, as factors that can manifest and worsen depression. But I'm telling you if more children were taught these principles- and not from grade 1 or grade 4 or or grade nine or whenever some people think children are ready for 'adult' premises- I'm talking about from when your child can start reading and understanding your voice, then we can VASTLY improve upon how human beings handle what are sadly considered negative emotions.

Here's the thing. I was NEVER taught that anger and sadness are negative emotions. I was taught that they are emotions. Period. Not negative. Human. Normal. You start thinking and believing that sadness and anger are negative emotions, you start doing things like attempting to repress thoughts and feelings (impossible), engaging in self loathing for feeling those things in the first place, thinking something is wrong with you. I was taught that it's ok to be sad, to be mad, and that it's what you do with that feeling and what you do about it that counts.

Any man who has ever suffered from anger issues, which is relatively common for us dudes, knows that the harder you try and bury anger the angrier you get. It must be meet and dealt with.

Just like all facets of life.
When I'm a little more financially secured I'm going to seek therapy, not everyone has that option because it isn't cheap, especially for the uninsured but I've got it through work and my parents are understanding.

It really isn't something that can be fixed, just worked at, even with medication. The best help that people with depression and/or anxiety can have is people around them who are understanding of their feelings and accepting of them. Nothing hurts a depressed or anxious person more than being alienated, it adds to the feedback loop.
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post #48 of 74 Old August 12th, 2014, 02:48 PM
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I agree with the statement that depression is looked down upon. You are correct about another thing too. If you have cancer there is a ton of money towards research, tons of people that feel sorry for you and donate to a cause. Depression though is still not widely accepted as a serious condition, even though some try to say it is. Having dealt with it, and still do at some points, I know exactly what you guys mean. My anxiety used to get very very bad, and in turn it would feed depression. I've learn different ways to cope with it throughout the years now, and I am a lot better than I used to be. Sometimes though it flares up and I have really high anxiety moments where I literally obsess over the outcome of something. Worst of all, when I do tell people th ey say the exact same thing you did."Suck it up". Or my wife tells me all the time "Just quit worrying about that". I hate that shit! No one understands, and no one gives a shit about helping. A lot of times it even comes from your own family, and they're the ones you should be able to lean on for help anytime. That's the worst thing about mental conditions though is that they are not able to be seen physically, and for people who don't deal with it it's easy to just dismiss them and tell the person to simply "quit worrying". When any of you on here know as well as I do that telling someone to just quit worrying does nothing to help the situation. Its a constant prison.

I've learned to deal with it I guess by doing something I CAN control. Working with fine tedious projects is what really clears my mind from anxiety and depression. It allows my mind to focus all of its energy on the problems at hand. I've found that a lot of people who suffer from the very issues I do also enjoy tedious things that people who do not suffer from generally do not.

---------- Post added at 02:48 PM ---------- Previous post was at 02:45 PM ----------

I love my family more than anything, but I will admit that they don't understand at all. And that is very hard. There's nothing worse you can say to someone in a depressed or anxious state than "Get over it" or "quit worrying about it". It makes it even worse, and they don't even understand.

I suppose I don't fault them too much because they truly don't understand, but it sucks nonetheless
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post #49 of 74 Old August 12th, 2014, 03:07 PM
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Absolutely crazy. Depression is a dark, deep, silent, monster.
This.

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post #50 of 74 Old August 12th, 2014, 03:36 PM
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post #51 of 74 Old August 12th, 2014, 03:45 PM
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He and his wife sleep in separate bedrooms? That's strange......
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post #52 of 74 Old August 12th, 2014, 03:50 PM
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Wooooow. I hope that really isn't true. That's a horrible painful way to go




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post #53 of 74 Old August 12th, 2014, 03:52 PM
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He and his wife sleep in separate bedrooms? That's strange......
I had a friend in high school whose parents did that. The husband snored pretty bad so they slept in separate rooms.
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post #54 of 74 Old August 12th, 2014, 05:41 PM
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Wooooow. I hope that really isn't true. That's a horrible painful way to go
Its true unfortunately
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I've lived with someone with depression for 25 years. I hear what you're saying.

This is one of the horrible stigmas in regards to mental struggles such as depression. And it's not a malicious intent by those who don't fully understand depression. Many people assume that the person who is depressed can somehow never be happy or capable of the full range of what are the perceived 'normal' emotions. The reality is, one who suffers from depression also has the full gamut of all other feelings and emotions. Calmness. Happiness. Sadness. Anger. Frustration. Pride. Shame. Envy. You name it. They're capable of being happy for others, including wanting to make others laugh. One who suffers from depression is not just a constant black pit of despair, incapable of laughter or any other feeling and emotion. They are just people. The difference is, when one who isn't prone to depression, say someone like myself, feels sad or down about something, I don't feel worthless or hate myself. I never feel hopeless. I see the good in things even when I'm way down. See, EVERYONE gets way down. It's how you interpret and thus handle that feeling that can have you not even being able to wrap your own head around why things feel so black.

Catch-22? On top of feeling that despair and hopelessness, now quite often the person is MORE down on themselves for even feeling that way: "I must be a real moron to not be able to figure this out or handle this like others seem to."

As life goes on and I get older and older, I am more and more thankful and astounded for and by the lessons my mother gave me. Gifts. True gifts. Nothing greater. The gift of being able to understand and handle my own mind. Being able to understand that emotions are unformed thoughts. Being able to understand that all feelings and emotions are acceptable, but not all actions are. In Robin William's case, taking his own life. That's supposed to be unacceptable.

You cannot accept your own mistakes and perceived shortcomings if you can't begun to wrap your head around these concepts. I've had people tell me that this is all so much psycho-babble. I tell you, when a good man like Robin Williams is capable of killing himself, of ending his own life, it's not psycho-babble. It's not over analyzing. How much work do people put into building a car? Into learning a trade? Into their bodies if they're into fitness? Into a marriage? How about into raising your kids? You wanna just tell your kids "Don't over analyze your thoughts and emotions. Just roll with it. You are who you are." Fucking of course not. So if it would be important to build a car or get a mechanic's license of to get and stay healthy or to have a happy marriage or to raise strong and grounded children, it's fucking important for your own mind, and is not psych-babble. They simply do not teach enough of this stuff in schools and in life.

What is more complicated than the human mind? Humanity would do well to start placing it and themselves first in order that they understand it better. Not only would people be better to themselves, you'd have an added side bonus of having less evil in the world. Because lots of broken people don't just manifest their mental angst and struggles and issues into ending their own life.



Emotions are automatic. What to do with them is a learned process, and is not automatic. In the words of one Ayn Rand:


"Just as the pleasure-pain mechanism of man’s body is an automatic indicator of his body’s welfare or injury, a barometer of its basic alternative, life or death—so the emotional mechanism of man’s consciousness is geared to perform the same function, as a barometer that registers the same alternative by means of two basic emotions: joy or suffering. Emotions are the automatic results of man’s value judgments integrated by his subconscious; emotions are estimates of that which furthers man’s values or threatens them, that which is for him or against him—lightning calculators giving him the sum of his profit or loss.

But while the standard of value operating the physical pleasure-pain mechanism of man’s body is automatic and innate, determined by the nature of his body—the standard of value operating his emotional mechanism, is not. Since man has no automatic knowledge, he can have no automatic values; since he has no innate ideas, he can have no innate value judgments.

Man is born with an emotional mechanism, just as he is born with a cognitive mechanism; but, at birth, both are “tabula rasa.” It is man’s cognitive faculty, his mind, that determines the content of both. Man’s emotional mechanism is like an electronic computer, which his mind has to program—and the programming consists of the values his mind chooses.

But since the work of man’s mind is not automatic, his values, like all his premises, are the product either of his thinking or of his evasions: man chooses his values by a conscious process of thought—or accepts them by default, by subconscious associations, on faith, on someone’s authority, by some form of social osmosis or blind imitation. Emotions are produced by man’s premises, held consciously or subconsciously, explicitly or implicitly.

Your subconscious is like a computer—more complex a computer than men can build—and its main function is the integration of your ideas. Who programs it? Your conscious mind. If you default, if you don’t reach any firm convictions, your subconscious is programmed by chance—and you deliver yourself into the power of ideas you do not know you have accepted. But one way or the other, your computer gives you print-outs, daily and hourly, in the form of emotions—which are lightning-like estimates of the things around you, calculated according to your values."


If anyone actually took the time to read all that... hard to wrap your mind around?

Good. It's supposed to be. Anything worthwhile in life is only worthwhile if it requires effort and struggle.

I'm not sitting here telling you that every single person can eliminate their depression, or that we can stop every suicide. There are of course things like chemical imbalances, horrible family abuse and/or dysfunction, as factors that can manifest and worsen depression. But I'm telling you if more children were taught these principles- and not from grade 1 or grade 4 or or grade nine or whenever some people think children are ready for 'adult' premises- I'm talking about from when your child can start reading and understanding your voice, then we can VASTLY improve upon how human beings handle what are sadly considered negative emotions.

Here's the thing. I was NEVER taught that anger and sadness are negative emotions. I was taught that they are emotions. Period. Not negative. Human. Normal. You start thinking and believing that sadness and anger are negative emotions, you start doing things like attempting to repress thoughts and feelings (impossible), engaging in self loathing for feeling those things in the first place, thinking something is wrong with you. I was taught that it's ok to be sad, to be mad, and that it's what you do with that feeling and what you do about it that counts.

Any man who has ever suffered from anger issues, which is relatively common for us dudes, knows that the harder you try and bury anger the angrier you get. It must be meet and dealt with.

Just like all facets of life.
You know growing up I never had any of those lessons. My dad was always at work and didn't have the time to really sit down with me and talk to me as much as he wanted to. I never blamed him for that or felt any resentment for that. I knew he was doing what he had to do. My mom taught me what she could but I don't think they really knew how to help me.

When I was in 1st grade kids picked on me a lot. I never really knew why and I don't think the other kids did either. I just became the target of ridicule over anything. My parents always told me not to fight back and to just ignore them. So that's what I did. I remember taking a liking to this one little girl. That was a mistake because then I became "that kid no one liked." Finally after 2nd grade I just shut down. I didn't speak in school for the longest time. So much so that kids actually said they forgot what my voice sounded like. And this continued all the way through middle school. In middle school things got worse. I started getting physically attacked. We went to the school officials but all they wanted to do was say "play nice now" because the people that kept attacking me were football players and that's a big deal in my little town.

Half way through middle school we moved around a bit and finally settled down in north carolina at the start of highschool. By this point I didn't even bother telling my parents about the things going on in school. I had dived into online gaming and that was my escape from the world. I was accepted in that community. But in high school the physical attacks continued because I stuck out more so than at my previous schools. I was punched a few times and pushed and even had a few kids stick their bare asses in my face. I finally got tired of it and started to fight back. Mostly by making them think I was crazy by posting a bunch of pictures on myspace with the array of firearms that we had at the time. Worked fairly well too.

Going through all of this though my dad was having a hard time at work. They were working him to death and treating him like shit. When my dad gets really stressed he drinks more. When he drinks more he has a hard time with his PTSD. My dad was a Marine in Vietnam. He did a tour over there just outside of Da Nang. If any of you know about the ending of the vietnam war a lot of soldiers and Marines got screwed by the government in the form of bad paper discharges. My dad was one of those Marines. He got discharged because of an argument he had with a drunk SGT. SGT said he threatened him and JAG scared him saying they were going to either throw him in the Brig for 6 months or he could take this discharge and walk. He took the discharge. After learning more about it he tried to appeal the decision but by that time it was too late so he moved on with his life. But that still bothers him to this day. And when he drinks he goes back to Vietnam. It is a hard thing to watch your dad outside screaming at the trees.

Then I met this girl and long story short the relationship ended really badly. When she rejected me it was like this big bottle of emotion that I had suppressed for years busted and I spent the next 5 years analyzing a decades worth of emotional and physical abuse. The emotions were so intense at first I didn't even know what to think. I do remember sitting on my bed at 7 in the morning after having not slept for 2 days because of nightmares. I was sitting there holding a loaded 9mm thinking how easy it would be that a tiny piece of metal could make all of this go away. I didn't off myself though. I kept going and after many years of not dating and focusing 100% on myself I got to the point where I was ok being me again.

However to this day I still have a hard time relaxing. After years of constantly being on guard it like I stay stuck in fight or flight mode. It isn't really paranoia but more a constant state of alertness. I can't stand for people to stand behind me and if I'm in a crowded room I tend to say with my back to the wall. If i get too uncomfortable I stay near the exits. I can't say why I do this but I have a really hard time relaxing.

I had done a couple of mental health self assessments on some mental health websites and they have all told me that I have severe anxiety and a mild case of PTSD but I don't know how true that is. Seems silly to have PTSD over something like that.
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post #56 of 74 Old August 12th, 2014, 09:02 PM
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He also apparently left a note.

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post #58 of 74 Old August 12th, 2014, 09:25 PM
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‘‘We still have people we want to speak with so there is some information we’re going to withhold,’’ Boyd said. ‘‘We’re not discussing the note or a note at this point as the investigation is ongoing.’’
There might be. They aren't saying yet.

Robin Williams appreared to commit suicide by hanging himself, official says - Nation - The Boston Globe

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post #59 of 74 Old August 12th, 2014, 09:34 PM
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post #60 of 74 Old August 12th, 2014, 10:29 PM
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You know growing up I never had any of those lessons. My dad was always at work and didn't have the time to really sit down with me and talk to me as much as he wanted to. I never blamed him for that or felt any resentment for that. I knew he was doing what he had to do. My mom taught me what she could but I don't think they really knew how to help me.

When I was in 1st grade kids picked on me a lot. I never really knew why and I don't think the other kids did either. I just became the target of ridicule over anything. My parents always told me not to fight back and to just ignore them. So that's what I did. I remember taking a liking to this one little girl. That was a mistake because then I became "that kid no one liked." Finally after 2nd grade I just shut down. I didn't speak in school for the longest time. So much so that kids actually said they forgot what my voice sounded like. And this continued all the way through middle school. In middle school things got worse. I started getting physically attacked. We went to the school officials but all they wanted to do was say "play nice now" because the people that kept attacking me were football players and that's a big deal in my little town.

Half way through middle school we moved around a bit and finally settled down in north carolina at the start of highschool. By this point I didn't even bother telling my parents about the things going on in school. I had dived into online gaming and that was my escape from the world. I was accepted in that community. But in high school the physical attacks continued because I stuck out more so than at my previous schools. I was punched a few times and pushed and even had a few kids stick their bare asses in my face. I finally got tired of it and started to fight back. Mostly by making them think I was crazy by posting a bunch of pictures on myspace with the array of firearms that we had at the time. Worked fairly well too.

Going through all of this though my dad was having a hard time at work. They were working him to death and treating him like shit. When my dad gets really stressed he drinks more. When he drinks more he has a hard time with his PTSD. My dad was a Marine in Vietnam. He did a tour over there just outside of Da Nang. If any of you know about the ending of the vietnam war a lot of soldiers and Marines got screwed by the government in the form of bad paper discharges. My dad was one of those Marines. He got discharged because of an argument he had with a drunk SGT. SGT said he threatened him and JAG scared him saying they were going to either throw him in the Brig for 6 months or he could take this discharge and walk. He took the discharge. After learning more about it he tried to appeal the decision but by that time it was too late so he moved on with his life. But that still bothers him to this day. And when he drinks he goes back to Vietnam. It is a hard thing to watch your dad outside screaming at the trees.

Then I met this girl and long story short the relationship ended really badly. When she rejected me it was like this big bottle of emotion that I had suppressed for years busted and I spent the next 5 years analyzing a decades worth of emotional and physical abuse. The emotions were so intense at first I didn't even know what to think. I do remember sitting on my bed at 7 in the morning after having not slept for 2 days because of nightmares. I was sitting there holding a loaded 9mm thinking how easy it would be that a tiny piece of metal could make all of this go away. I didn't off myself though. I kept going and after many years of not dating and focusing 100% on myself I got to the point where I was ok being me again.

However to this day I still have a hard time relaxing. After years of constantly being on guard it like I stay stuck in fight or flight mode. It isn't really paranoia but more a constant state of alertness. I can't stand for people to stand behind me and if I'm in a crowded room I tend to say with my back to the wall. If i get too uncomfortable I stay near the exits. I can't say why I do this but I have a really hard time relaxing.

I had done a couple of mental health self assessments on some mental health websites and they have all told me that I have severe anxiety and a mild case of PTSD but I don't know how true that is. Seems silly to have PTSD over something like that.
This is why I'm fortunate to have had my mother. She came from a household that had one alcoholic parent, and one insanely religious parent that was in and out of mental institutions a couple times. My mother and her 3 siblings were placed in foster care when this happened. I could write you volumes on her early life.

There was a real weird dynamic that went on though. Her father, the alcoholic, didn't become an alcoholic until she was around nine years old. He was a millwright, a very smart man, and well read. He actually taught her to read, and perhaps was instrumental in turning her into a voracious reader, which she is to this day at 67 years old. As a result, she also read book after book about psychology and parenting. She understood that knowledge is not just an automatic, and that includes how to parent. She also was determined to send me to a private school, although I was only able to attend for four or five years until my parents divorced, at which point they could no longer afford it.

See, and this isn't a slam at your mother or father.... good people make mistakes all the time, but someone like my mother is SO in tune to emotions and psychology that she would have picked up on the things you depict experiencing as you grew up, that you are experiencing now. And she would have had the exact correct way to deal with it.

The planet is full of good people, solid people full of love and good morals, that don't fully understand emotions and psychology, and these people often damage relationships. Whether it's with their own mind, with a spouse, or their own children. And it's not always this malicious, conscious, abusive intent. It just happens. You take someone who is riddled with fear, let's say, and prone to panic and anxiety. Now let them have a kid, and say that kid watches them have emotional reactions to things where there should be none. It can be as simple as... I dunno. They dropped a favorite keepsake of theirs and broke it, and in front of their child, they have this emotionally incorrect reaction. Whether it's cursing, or crying, or silence and pouting... what the child should see is this: "Well damn. That sucks. I really love that thing. So sad. Maybe I can fix it, or get a new one. If not, at least I'll have the memory of it.", followed with a smile.

I'm telling you right now, children, young children, FEED off of adult emotions and behavior. Young minds CRAVE knowledge. Ever notice this dynamic? Put two babies together on the floor. I'm not talking newborn; I mean at the age where they can sit up, crawl, hold their own things, make sounds, react to outside stimulation sort of thing. What happens? More often than not, two babies are just annoyed by each other. If there's an older child or adult in the room though, watch the baby's reaction to them. Eyes wide, drawn to them, watching our every move, listening. Why? Because they have something they can get from that person: knowledge.

So if you teach your child to do nothing when they're being attacked, they will feel like a nothing. Understand what I'm driving at? It's NOT about the fighting back, the principle of 'standing up for yourself', about the right or wrong. it's about what happens in your fucking MIND, the lesson you are taught, it's about what and who you become. EVERY single event in life, not just more important things like being bullied or picked on, but even seemingly innocuous happenings like how a parent reacts to the proverbial glass of spilled milk, teaches a child something about emotions, about how to react to emotions, about how to react to situations, what acceptable actions are, what we should accept from life and from others, and ultimately affects who that child becomes. In their own mind, in terms of what they think they are.

Again. That's not a shot at your mom. Not even close. Not a lot of people are as in tune and connected to emotions, logic, how to handle and form and conduct relationships of any kind, as my mother is.

Now. Given all that, consider this: Even with all this seemingly awesome power to understand these most important things, my mother has had periods of dark depression in her life. To this day she's sad because her father died without getting sober again, and before any chance of a reconciliation, and because she's NEVER had a connection with her mother. She's never had a close relationship with her siblings, either. One had a bad stroke when she was very young, 30 years ago, and her mind is all but gone and she lives in an assisted care home. Her other sister stopped talking to her almost 30 years ago, because ultimately she came to resent my mother's strength and success at overcoming the family dysfunction. And her brother, the oldest, is on death's door, and is also an alcoholic. They reconciled at one point around 20 years ago, and for a time were even starting a business together. Like their father, he's a very smart man when sober. He was sober at that point, was doing great, was even looking great- years younger, happier... until he fell back into the bottle. They haven't spoken now in over 15 years. He has 3 children, two of which are sociopath train wrecks, and he only speaks to one of them, and only then to bitch about and demean the other two- his own children. The one good one, the oldest, the last time he tried to reconnect with his father when his health started failing, he knocked on the door, my uncle cracked the door open, looked at my cousin, and said "Fuck off.", and slammed the door in his face. As you can imagine, all of this causes my mother a lot of sorrow. I'm sure she also has moments where perhaps she wishes her marriage would have went a different way.

So despite my mother's strength, she has in fact battled dark places in her life.

Incidentally, another part of why I know so much about this subject is not just from my mother's lessons. Of course I have my own life experiences and mistakes to draw from. But I've also been living with someone who has battled depression and self loathing issues for 25 years.

So I know full well what it means to support someone who is battling depression, and that's why I really mean what I say when I repeat that I'm not intending to demean your mother or anyone for missteps in parenting, or any other mistakes. These mistakes don't mean someone is a bad parent.

Ultimately, all you can do is accept that this shit is heavy lifting, which is what my mother and I call it... it's hard work to look straight in the mirror, consider your mistakes, consider who you are, to change what you can change, and to learn how to accept all feelings and emotions as normal and acceptable. Hard work to have conversations like this over and over again and consider these things over and over again. All this stuff I've written here? A fraction of what my mother has said to me over the years, and it was said to me over, and over, and over again. From this heavy lifting though, you then have a place to start, which is the understanding that we have to place logic and rational thought as... the... uhhm. As the sort of... completely unbiased from what your emotions want, as the... 100% unbiased tools that build what logic and reason dictate are acceptable and rational action. Sort of pretending that there is this third step between emotion and action that is almost not part of you, like this third person there that will ALWAYS tell you what the truth is and what you know is the right thing to do. Not the best thing to do. The right thing to do.

When you've done that... brother, when you've done the right thing, even when you fuck up, not if- when you fuck up, you can look in the mirror and be proud, and not be engaged in the self loathing that too many people encounter. Often believing that they DESERVE the shitty thing that happened to them, and that they don't deserve certain things. That part is a slippery slope into despair and feelings of worthlessness.

People DO deserve happiness. But it is not an automatic, and it will not just come to you, even if you're a decent good person who does good for others. You have got to believe in yourself and give to yourself.



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