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Senor Pointy Boots
3,922 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
It's been several years since I've posted my last blog. I suppose it's long overdue for me to write a follow up for the events taking in my life. The problem is... Where do I begin? haha.

After my change over from CSUN to CSULA, I still held doubt and slight sadness to the overall things that were occurring in my life. First quarter right after the incident, I did moderately well. A, C, and two Bs. Even though I was back in the Uni game, I was detached from reality. A social recluse, I did not seek attention nor did I want it. The second quarter was even worse. I had to take a class as a transfer requirement to show that I was competent enough to get my way around the university and future goals. It wasn't an easy task for someone who was so detached from himself.

I failed the class and I felt miserable. The questions and assignments always surrounded on future oriented things; things that I have never invested a second to give thought to. I was mortified the first few weeks of class until I started to not show up completely. It was a foolish play on my part, but I just could not deal with it at the time. But... there was something dwelling inside me that could not completely lose face... For while I had my time off of CSUN, I had meaningful encounters...

As much as people knock at the quality of education a person gets at community colleges, a thing that no conventional institution can instill onto others is the nurture for growth. I had met a professor in a class I took at the CC in US history. He was splendid and wonderful. He gave an appreciation of life in a way that I'm sure that he himself wasn't aware of. His charisma and honesty of the injustices occurring around us was the wood bundle and propellant of the proverbial fire. Now my search for the heat source was on.

Next quarter, I had taken a few classes. The one in particular that stood out was a class for one of my theme requirements. This was a liberal studies class, a class about gender in science. This was the spark that got my fire going. The professor was so passionate about her work. I had began to participate and was moved by her compliments in my involvement. Even in group work, I decided to lead my group to success and in the end, earned an A in the class.

I started to take more and more classes, and although It was difficult to see more of those A's appear in my report card, the fire never dwindled. It continued to grow within me. It consumed me. I figured, "at this point, I have no friends, I have no social obligations, and I have so much time on my hands that I have no idea what to do with it, so I might as well begin to put in all my efforts into studying."

I figuratively added more wood to the already growing fire. As soon as I got home, I would study and try to understand the material. I would use dictionaries, a thesaurus, Google, and other supplemental materials that could aide me in my thirst for knowledge. However, I still lacked something within me. I lacked heart. I lacked a purpose. Studying mindlessly to perform is great, but any cold and senseless robot can work on an assembly line; any person can preform well on a grade sheet, but what was different about me? What would be the thing that would set me apart?

It was not until I took my behavioral counseling class that I finally understood what my meaning and purpose was. The professor was very inspiring, how in his work, he would take the most difficult cases. These cases, that were rejected by many other psychologists, therapists, clinicians and other doctors, were turned into success stories all because of having the right plan, the right attitude, and the right reinforcement to become successful in anything. I was moved... I was finally 'home'. To have that unconditional positive regard towards others, in which people would just reject and refuse to help those with psychological deficiencies was truly and eye opener. It made me begin to think about my future...

Then, real life takes a turn and I lose my best friend. No, he's still in earth, but he is no longer at a arms reach. He's back in his home country. This is a friend from HS, my only friend, who has understood me so far. He was truly someone who I relied on in times of good and bad. Although I knew that I had so much trust in him... I knew that he will be well and that we will always be friends no matter what life throws at us. Which leads me to my newfound motivation...

What would be of my brother, who suffers from autism? Who would be the one that cares for him in this cold and cruel world that will deem someone as 'untreatable'? What do I want to do, and with my newfound perspective, how will I go on about to doing it? I had laid many questions before me and meditated on them. It was very clear to me that I cannot do this alone, and that I have to eventually have to start relying on my peers around me. Alan has become my source of power, the drive, the energy I need to succeed. I am no longer doing this for myself, for it is my brother that will rely on me when he gets older.

So here I am now, and happy to report that from a 1.52 GPA, I am now at 3.18. I challenged myself, and decided that along with my psych major, that I will complete a minor in rehabilitation services (the area of focus my professor of behavioral counseling was in). It will give me extra classes for me to bring my GPA up even further. I am currently working with a research team and have stepped up my game by taking initiative in inputting all the data and leading through most discussions held.

Now I'm at the crossroads again to challenge myself even further... Along with my full time student position and the research team (4 hours a week), I am offered to do an internship with another professor. My previous research is on the basis of social psychology (not in my intended career goal) in which I'm doing not only for the material that it covers (that in which is very interesting), but for the research experience itself that is very beneficial. The other professor works in the cognitive psychology field and has offered me to do research for her that is related to my field of interest. Along to the 12 hour days (M-W) at the university (8 in the morning till 8 at night with a 4 hour break in between for studying), I will have to put in at least 15 hours for the internship. Also, now that I have the GPA for me to become eligible, I want to become a member of Psy Chi. This is one of the biggest organizations in psychology and will be very rewarding and shown as prestige towards my colleagues if accepted. Of course, I would do anything I can in order to shine and make meaningful contributions in everything I put my hands on. But there is always that lingering question... Can I really do it? I sure hope so.

To conclude, I shall tell you all what my goals are now. My goal is to attain a Ph.D in Clinical Psychology. Careerwise, I want to do it all. I want to do research, along with opening up group homes and have my own private practice. I want to do each of those things for many years and then retire by becoming a university professor and provide guidance and inspiration towards the younger generation. I want to move them just as the professors before me has driven me to the success I am at now. In the end, my ultimate desire is to have a world where we can all live and function together peacefully, regardless of any differences we hold.

Nile P. Pezdel of Pez Dispenser Inc. CCA
5,502 Posts
Wonderfully inspiring!
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