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I agree 100% with Woodman, Zip and the other guys on here trying to save Wicked's ass from a nightmare. If Wicked was confident in this girl, he wouldn't be asking guys on here about letting her use a vehicle. It would be like me going into the 5.0 section and saying my 302 has a spun bearing and blows oil then asking if I should supercharge it or spray it. Then wondering why the guys tell me to rebuild or replace the motor first.
 

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I'm with Wicked on this one. He asked about suggestions and input on the girlfriend to/from training. He didn't ask if he should keep/dump her. It's easy to sit back and pass judgement when all you have to go on is a paragraph or two.
Re-read the first post, then my itemized post listing how he was filling us in on backstory, and the only options he gave were, "$500 beater or give her my car and never see it again", which really means, "I don't trust her to care for my things as though they are hers, so I'm stuck."

I've been in that situation. Lots of us have. The thing that we are responding to is the complete lack of trust. He knows if he gives her his car, it's not coming back. He doesn't trust her with his things, and I can't see how the rest of the relationship can be good when she's living in HIS house, eating HIS food, watching HIS television, etc. If she's not trustworthy with his things, how can he trust her on any other level?

Without complete trust, what point is there in the relationship?

That's the fundamental point we are all making into the big deal it should be for him. Nothing against the guy, and this isn't the first post about her. Just saying, I was with someone I didn't trust, and it ended very badly, cost me a lot of money, and I lost something irreplaceable. When I see the beginnings of that, all I can do is warn him and hope he learns from experience. Looks like that isn't happening today, so I'm done with it.

Hope it works out better than he himself thinks it will.
 

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King Trashmouth
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Discussion Starter #66
I agree 100% with Woodman, Zip and the other guys on here trying to save Wicked's ass from a nightmare. If Wicked was confident in this girl, he wouldn't be asking guys on here about letting her use a vehicle. It would be like me going into the 5.0 section and saying my 302 has a spun bearing and blows oil then asking if I should supercharge it or spray it. Then wondering why the guys tell me to rebuild or replace the motor first.
A human relationship has almost nothing in common with the cold calculating nature of engine building. You can't just torque it to spec, or replace/machine it to specification. Not a very good analogy.
 

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impecunious
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A human relationship has almost nothing in common with the cold calculating nature of engine building. You can't just torque it to spec, or replace/machine it to specification. Not a very good analogy.
This is probably the deepest thing I've read all day.
 

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A human relationship has almost nothing in common with the cold calculating nature of engine building. You can't just torque it to spec, or replace/machine it to specification. Not a very good analogy.
That is true. But a relationship without complete trust is a bad relationship.
 

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I think I have good input on what it takes to make a relationship work. I have been with my wife for 16 years, married for 12 of those. Three kids, a ****ed up job, horrible schedule, and we make it work. I chose the right girl, someone I trust and don't have to worry about. I wouldn't put up with the stuff Wicked described for a minute.

I understand where wicked is coming from, believe me I do. His heart is telling him one thing, common sense another. I would just hate to see somebody make a mistake that impacts them for a lifetime. If Wicked is happy with this girl, good for him. Get her the car and see what happens. A lot of people, guys and girls included, make it a life mission to help fix people. They end up getting burned 99% of the time. My brother in law is a hard working sucessful guy who got tangled up with a well off woman in her mid 30's. He was in his mid 20's. I met this woman and immediately got a bad vibe. She was high maintenance and I could tell she had some mental issues. She had bolt on boobs, nose job, nice body, well dressed etc. I told my wife I didn't like her from the get go, and she defended her. A few years later this is his situation:

Lady is a complete psycho.
She has assaulted him
He has a child with her that he is only allowed to see one day a week
She won't let my family see the child, my niece
She told my mother in law that her son has STD's

This is a wealthy woman, not a **** bag. My brother in law is stuck with this woman for life through a child. She has the money to keep him at bay. His life is ****ed.

When you see red flags you don't ignore them. Wicked needs to trust his gut, he is the one who hoisted the red flags up the pole, we just looked at them. My analogy is dead on in my opinion.
 

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Needs moar meat
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I've given my opinion on the GF aspect before, and that isn't the point of the question asked, so I'll leave that one lie.

As for the car issue, the beater option seems to be best here. She'll have her car, just make sure she pays everything. Insurance, gas, wtf-ever, let her know you won't be contributing a cent towards it. It's HER responsibility. From there, she can get back and forth to her training (and afterwards, to work since walking isn't an option, apparently). Seems like the better option to choose here
 

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The Boss is in
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Damn wicked, I knew it was small, but.........Maybe you shouldn't dump her if she's willing to accept it.
 

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First off I agree with Wicked not needing advice on what to do with his girlfriend. I dated a girl for a while who seemed to have a similar position to his girlfriend. I broke up with her in the end but not because she was messed up. If you have a long enough history with someone, sometimes it worth it to not just try and give up.

As for the car I like the $500 car idea. That's actually the advice I would have given. It shows some amount of faith in her, yet it still minimizes the risk for you.
 

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Without complete trust, what point is there in the relationship?
I disagree and you can see my previous example as why. When my wife had never fired a gun I didn't give her a gun and say, "here you go it's all you and I trust you because we're in a good relationship and I have complete trust in everything." No, I gave her the gun and showed her how to use it and let her practice with it. Once she had become comfortable with it and had demonstrated the ability to properly operate the device, I was fine with her having it. Now, I trust her 100% with guns and I can give them to her and say have at it.

That's what happening in Wicked's situation. She has demonstrated bad past history of driving. That doesn't mean he doesn't trust her as a person. He just doesn't trust her ability with a particular device.

I will 100% guarentee you that you don't have perfect trust with your SO in every aspect. You need to have trust in who a person is, not in their ability to perform a task.

It would be like me going into the 5.0 section and saying my 302 has a spun bearing and blows oil then asking if I should supercharge it or spray it. Then wondering why the guys tell me to rebuild or replace the motor first.
I would say it would be like someone asking if they should supercharge or spray a motor and the answer being sell the car and buy a new on that's faster stock. It might be a good idea if you're not the one in the situation and don't know the whole situation.
 

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The Boss is in
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I can only imagine how reliable a $500 Taurus from craigslist is gonna be. You'll be stuck fixing that POS every week. IMO, you'd be better off letting her drive the grand marquis, you know you'll at least not have to fix it every week. Think of it as a test. She ****s it up, well, you do what you gotta do.
 

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I can only imagine how reliable a $500 Taurus from craigslist is gonna be. You'll be stuck fixing that POS every week. IMO, you'd be better off letting her drive the grand marquis, you know you'll at least not have to fix it every week. Think of it as a test. She ****s it up, well, you do what you gotta do.

I drove a 250 dollar 1989 Grand Marquis with 220,000 miles on it for two harsh Canadian winters, 500 highway miles a week. In those two years I put about another grand in maintenance in it, and a chunk of that came from when a snow plow put me in a ditch and I ****ed up the rad when she plowed through frozen snow. I scrapped it and got just over two hundred bucks for it. After that, I bought a 199...5 I think, Buick Century? 4 door white thing with the 3.8 in it, for two hundred bucks. Got one winter out of that one. And one winter for me is the equivalent of 12,000 miles.
 

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I disagree and you can see my previous example as why. When my wife had never fired a gun I didn't give her a gun and say, "here you go it's all you and I trust you because we're in a good relationship and I have complete trust in everything." No, I gave her the gun and showed her how to use it and let her practice with it. Once she had become comfortable with it and had demonstrated the ability to properly operate the device, I was fine with her having it. Now, I trust her 100% with guns and I can give them to her and say have at it.

That's what happening in Wicked's situation. She has demonstrated bad past history of driving. That doesn't mean he doesn't trust her as a person. He just doesn't trust her ability with a particular device.

I will 100% guarentee you that you don't have perfect trust with your SO in every aspect. You need to have trust in who a person is, not in their ability to perform a task.



I would say it would be like someone asking if they should supercharge or spray a motor and the answer being sell the car and buy a new on that's faster stock. It might be a good idea if you're not the one in the situation and don't know the whole situation.
The main difference is listed in your second paragraph. She has demonstrated a bad past history of driving. Specifically a DWI and is still drinking, or drinking enough to worry Wicked.

You didn't make reference to your wife demonstrating a bad past history involving firearms. Hypothetically had your wife had something like severe depression, a history of suicide attempts, a history of domestic abuse, would you still trust her with a firearm? I doubt it, I wouldn't.

They are not the same situations.
 

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You didn't make reference to your wife demonstrating a bad past history involving firearms. Hypothetically had your wife had something like severe depression, a history of suicide attempts, a history of domestic abuse, would you still trust her with a firearm? I doubt it, I wouldn't.
If she did have those issues and I didn't trust her with firearms, my point is still the EXACT SAME. I'll repeat the point again, "You need to have trust in who a person is, not in their ability to perform a task." I wouldn't get rid of my wife because I couldn't trust her with firearms because of an issue.
 
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