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Your 24, have a Bachelor's degree in a good field, you have a good work etchic if you have been working two jobs. Your Mom's asking you for money....Your not a failure. There is no mold you need to conform to and there's no set path you need to follow to have a good life. Mother's get a little strange sometimes especially when there sons get to be you age and start having serious relationships with women. I remember my mom saying "your daughter is your daughter for life, your son's your son until he has a wife" My mom was also upset when my wife got pregnant with our first. I had a good job but she was so concerned we would struggle. Live your life man, don't worry about what your mother says, she will get over it.
 

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Mother


I grew up with out a parent figure....

.... I have no parent figures to turn to fore life advice, Financial and my future...... And older mmers want to help?
I recommend removing the "negativity" (aka your mom) so that you can instead live only with "the lack of guidance". You don't have to live with both right?

You need to be in an environment where you can grow. Whatever is involved in the equation that is not helping you grow, needs to go.

There was a period of time where I didn't talk to my mother for about 10 years. This allowed me to focus on what I needed to focus on. I lead myself. I guided myself. But, if I hadn't cut out all of the negativity, I wouldn't have been able to grow.

It may not seem like it now as this is currently wearing you down, but this is actually making you stronger.
 

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Eat Springs, **** Valves
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My dad was a negative figure in my life. He was a great father until my parents got divorced. Turned into a giant piece of ****, treated my sister and I like garbage, kicked me out at 12 years old. I kept trying to get back in touch with him over the years, but it was always my fault things were messed up. Or it was my moms fault. I cut that ****er loose 5 years ago and never looked back. It hurt at first, but I'm a much happier person. Its painful to cut out a parent, but sometimes it has to be done for your own well-being.
 

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Hey Everybody, Come See How Hard I Parked!
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Dude, I feel your pain. Very much the same was said to me many times growing up. My mother has been in prison for the last 10 years, and my father has been in and out of jail. I practically raised my brother, over 5 years my junior.

My dad told me, I would would never amount to anything, and would never do anything right. I would never make the money he makes and wouldn't know what hard work was.

Use it man. Use those words to fuel the fire that burns inside you. The fire that keeps you going when you just want to call it quits. Use every derogatory comment that anyone has ever thrown your way and use it to motivate you to rise up and be better than those that put you down. Make ever last one of them eat crow and enjoy the spoils of all your hard work in the process.

That's how I took it anyways. I didn't succeed in my life and get to where I am today because of my mother or father. I did it in spite of them. And I am very proud of that.
 

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King Trashmouth
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Trying the old reveres psychology on you to get you to try harder. "I never will? Watch this ****!"
If anything else, it's fuel for the fire. At least that's what it did for me.

I can't tell you how many teachers I've had tell me I'll never amount to anything. All that did was drive me harder. "I'm nothing huh? I'll show them." That desire to smugly rub a degree in their face kept me focused, and four years later I had my degree, top of the class, with honors, ready to rub in their face.

Hell, even with my car. "You'll never fix that piece of ****." "Like hell I won't!" A year later and it's been almost completely rebuilt.

Spite is the most powerful motivator.
 

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Needs moar meat
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I feel you man. 24 here, and honestly, I feel like I'm going nowhere. I've been to college, I have my degree. I've been actively attempting to get into the field since I graduated. Not working. So now I'm looking for an apprenticeship with an electrician to get into to change things up. No luck so far. So I'm stuck working a dead-end job right now to pay my bills and save for more school. I continuallly hear how proud everyone in my family is of my cousins, since they're all "going to school for big things and making something of themselves". I've worked WAY harder than them all, as they've had everything handed to them. Their schooling, vehicles, rent, clothes, computers, etc. all paid for. I had to pay for my schooling, my car, everything. I've worked my ass off to have the little that I have right now. I get no recognition, I get no praise, I get looked down on.

But I carry on. I forget everyone that is negative and thinks I'll become nothing. Forget your mom, dude. You're on the right track. You're working hard, you're trying, you're fighting. Let the haters say what they will. In a few years, you can sit back and laugh at them all and bask in your successes. And you'll appreciate them FAR more than anyone else that had things handed to them. You've got drive. You'll succeed if you try.
 

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I smell like beef
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Sometimes those closest to us in life resent us the most. You can waste your entire life trying to figure this out, or you can become a man and move forward on your own and adhere to the base principle that excerpt from Atlas Shrugged I quoted intones. I can't define for you what type of relationship you can have with your mother or how often you can handle seeing her... those are your decisions.

But keep waiting for validation, and watch your self esteem be crushed in the process.
100% agree especially with last sentence. One of the most difficult parts of being a man is doing the right thing, taking care of your business and personal responsibilities and never being thanked or acknowledged. Find the pride you need within yourself. As your youth passes, you will care less and less what others think granted its hard to accept this criticism from your moms. Im 31 yrs old btw.
 

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100% agree especially with last sentence. One of the most difficult parts of being a man is doing the right thing, taking care of your business and personal responsibilities and never being thanked or acknowledged. Find the pride you need within yourself. As your youth passes, you will care less and less what others think granted its hard to accept this criticism from your moms. Im 31 yrs old btw.
It's infinitely more difficult when it's your own mother you have to separate from or that is doing this to you.

Unfortunately, there are people... who when they themselves have no self esteem and suffer massive insecurity... it sounds trite to put it this way, but: 'Misery loves company'. I mean they seek to fill the hole where their self esteem should be by dragging you through the mud and berating you. They don't feel pleasure in this; they are not reveling in your misery. Some of these people are indeed malicious, yes, and get pleasure from other's pain; these people are called sociopaths. But most people are not malicious, are not actively seeking to hurt your feelings. They just legitimately believe they are helping you, that they are right, and thus no matter what you do you are wrong... this is in turn subconsciously validating their path, however misguided that path may be.

To apply this to a parent who has likely made years and years of mistakes? For them to admit you've done well if the path you've taken is not one they suggested, if you're succeeding despite the fact that their subconscious knows they have regrets in parenting... if they applaud your success, they admit their faults.

And their minds are not ready to handle that truth. Some never will be.

It sucks when this person is your mother, but there is a reason that dysfunction runs through entire generations of families, often never being broken... because there is always that guilty feeling of "How can I ignore or pull back from my own mother, or God forbid never talk to her again?"

... I can't answer that; my mother was fantastic.

But understand that my words here once again, are not mine, but are hers.

Because she eventually came to the conclusion that she could no longer communicate with or be around her own mother. It took my mother until she was 51 years of age to fully and finally realize and truly accept this fact. And to this day at times it hurts her.

But you have to ask yourself, what is the alternative? Stay on the trajectory of constant derision and belittling, from the person who is supposed to love you the most?

**** that noise. Which is the exact thing I told my mother 14 years ago when I all but demanded she not only stop talking to her lunatic mother, but that she move completely away from her. This was one of the few times in my life I've heard my mother cry, but ultimately she took my advice and bettered her life.


...you don't even want to know what I personally said to my grandmother, who for all intents and purposes is just some person to me who gave birth to my mother. I don't know what it's like to have a true grandmother. I'm not happy about that fact, but all I can do is play whatever cards are dealt my way.
 

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Wow i can't tell you how much this thread hits home! Op i will give you my story maybe it will help. Well i am 38 years of age and when i was 2 years old my parents divorced. I was in the custody of my mother until i went to the Army at the age of 19. During my childhood i watched my mother get beaten with closed fists by every man that she was ever with, watched her smoke weed in front of me constantly and i was even offered some. Around 13-14 my mother would take me and my best friend to the beer distributor and ask us what do we want. Back at that age i didn't know that shouldn't even take place so it was just a normal thing.

Every so often something would happen that didn't quite ring a bell, but now that i am looking back i can see my mother had real problems, some examples follow:
Example #1 We had a 70 cutlass i was 16 and guess what i wanted to do, I wanted to drive..... she gets all pissed and tells me i am driving her car to much... okay cool.

Example #2 when i moved in with her after 9 years in the Army the 20 year old washer broke, ( It was my fault) she said i was to many clothes, I actually got so pissed i went to Lowes and purchased a brand new washer and dryer..... see where i am going with this?
I spent 9 years on active duty in the Army and not once did any of my family come to visit me including the time i offered to pay for my mother to come to Hawaii to visit, at that time i was having serious trouble dealing with my divorce to my first wife..... she never took an interest in anything i did.

Example #3 One time while on a 30 day leave i used my mothers car ( dodge horizon) to go over to this chics house and i accidentally lost the key when i told her about this she flips out.... so again what did i do? I called a locksmith and resolved the situation with a $100 bill

Example #4 while on the gi bill going to school full time i stayed with her and was giving her $500 a month plus buying some groceries when needed..... but to her that gi bill money was free money and seemed that she always wanting more..... meanwhile i was being looked at as being lazy for not having a job and maintaining over a 3.0..... meanwhile everytime i gave them money they would be right to Macy's buying cologne and all types of ****.

Example #5 while fresh out of the Army i stayed with her and every time i gave her the money we agreed on she was buying weed, we actually got into an arguement about that

Fast forward to a couple of years ago, around 2008 my sister tells me that my mother said " she has two ****ed up kids" ..... i have kept this in my memory since then and all it does is make me fight more to prove that i am ****ing awesome!

I have brought this up to her on several occasions and she totally clams up and won't say ****. I'm 38 and have done way more than alot of people will ever do in their lifetime and i am proud of myself. Getting out of the Army i will admit was a challenge for me to find my way, find a career and most importantly to be happy.

When i got out i moved in with her and she ended up moving in to a new house after about a year, with her husband, who is get this, two years older than me, she is almost 60, he's 40.... I know real wonderful ain't it? I worked as a steelworker making $18 an hour, But i wasn't content so i picked up and moved to Arizona to go to motorcycle mechanics school.

I didn't complete this school (but i intend to). After 9 months and 3 roomates i decided to com back to PA and again i moved i with her ( this was the example #4, So after not having my space and buying food and it being eaten and giving them more than enough money.... i left and moved into an apartment...... On a side note ( I was completely sober) during this time, actually 3 more years of sobriety continued. I think being completly sobor actually made our relationship worse, she takes pills and still to this day smokes weed.

So while i was living with her i started going to community college and this is the time that i was maintaining above a 3.0 gpa and i felt great about that. So everyday her dickhead husband asks whats on your agenda for today? What a dickface, I was bringing home $2000 without working and concentrating on school. I am also a disabled vet ( service connected)

So anyways i move out and Continue to go to school, but i got tired of the 4 year degree route and decided to go to school to be a vet tech. well i was going to that school and 9 months i switched to the 911 gi bill, other vets that did that will know whats coming next. I stopped receiving my my payments for the next 6 or 7 months..... Basically i had to drop out of school and go to work or starve and live under a bridge.

So i decided to apply to a state job ( corrections officer) I worked in a ****ing state prison, how many people can say that. Well i didn't like that at all, i am to laid back to be dealing with other peoples bullshit so after six months i resigned my position and basically i didn't pre-plan and had to find something quick so i worked at a local carwash as the driver, greeter.

LOL i actually got fired from that job, Took off my shirt threw it up in the air and said **** it. So i didn't know what the eff to do so i didn't do anything for 1 month or so.

Well one day i decided to check out a tractor trailer driving school in town. Well to make a long story short i graduated their 6 month program along with being the only student to work for them while going to school.

The financial aid lady hired me there because she knew i again wasn't receiving my gi bill benefits...... I went four months of my six month program without receiving funds, bullshit.

One day after i was offered my 1st driving job i realized i needed to sell my mustang and get a economy car for my 1 1/2 drive to work and back. So i sold my car and asked my mother to take me to a car lot to pick up a car. That actually didn't go to well, the guy acted like he did'nt want to sell me the car i had picked and i had to leave without a car.

so my mother gets all pissy with me ( keep in mind) i am 38 years of age. So basically she tells me she doesn't like the choices i am making, and nobody can ever tell me anything blah blah blah...... so at this point i am at a loss for words and basically tell her to take me home!

Before i got out of that car i told her to have a nice life and i meant it.
Well i have been driving for two years now and i could not be happier with my current job and position. I am currently working for Waste Management as a residential driver and i absolutely love what i do..... I am a Garbageman with half a degree and i am soon to be starting back to school, to complete some type of major. **** i made $2000 in tips for Christmas and i will gross 60 k this year.

I am also considering transfering with my company to Phoenix Arizona to complete motorcycle mechanics school. I am currently Driving a brand new 2012 Ford Fiesta and on the way to paying it off early and i will be upgrading to either a corvette, gt, or the boss. I am on my way to improving my credt score and also want to buy a home.

Op i don't know if any of this helped but Don't listen to what anybody says...... I will give up everyone in my life if they are not supporting me and urging me to succeed! I have been called a fighter and you know what.... that is %100 correct. Although my path hasn't been straight and i have had some bumps in the road doesn't give anybody the authority to be an asshat towards me. keep doing what you are doing.... you are awesome :)
 

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Skirt Chasing Philanderer
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Long story short...


My mother thinks I will never be able to support my self..... And I am a Failure...

Hey mom I have me Bachelors in exercise science..... I clawed my way from 16 years old working 2 jobs to get we're I'm at today.... Yet it's not good Enough for her.... Everything I do is always wrong....

MM...... WTF did I ever deserve this punishment from my mother????


I just wish she would support me... And not ask for money every day....

I can't take it.... I just can't....

I grew up with out a parent figure.... I just need one today.... I miss my dad haven't heard from him in years.....

I'm 24 and Tired..... I have no parent figures to turn to fore life advice, Financial and my future...... And older mmers want to help?
Funny enough, I rarely ever talk about this and yet this is the second time today I have made a post about it.

I feel your pain man. I have had practically no relationship with my parents in almost 17 years (currently 31). This really eats me up right down to my core and there is nothing I can do about it. Then to top it off this is the second set of parents I have had ( one being biological and one being adoptive ) that have dismissed me.

Growing up I fought more inner demons than I can even remember which resulted in a very unstable youth. From about 13 on I started completely writing off emotions all together and eventually it became natural to not feel. Because of this I have had one 8 month relationship and my next longest relationship was 3 weeks long. I just don't get attached to people or places ( and tend to move from city to city every 5 years typically writing off everyone from the previous place as soon as I leave ). This also led to disciplinary issues because you can only bottle emotions for so long before you simply can't keep them in and all of a sudden you have this flood of emotion that all comes out at once resulting in a state of rage and when I say rage I mean it in its purest form. The type of anger that won't go away until you exhaust yourself mentally and physically only for the cycle to start back from scratch and the emotions to begin brewing again. I was unfortunate that I had no one to talk to as my friends didn't understand and my family was lucky to have $50 in the bank so professional help was out of the question.

Both my parents have GEDs and are bums. I have far exceeded every expectation they have had for me but somewhere in the mix things became not good enough for me because of me. That being said, are you sure its your mom that is letting you down and not just her reflecting emotions you feel about yourself?

You have worked hard and accomplished what you set out to do so why is it that you feel that she feels that way? Besides seeking your mothers approval, are you happy with yourself?

I know I find it hard to be truly happy because I don't let myself be. I'm never overly proud of what I do or have done because I focus on what more I could do and will never be able to live up to the standards I set for myself. This is by far my biggest character flaw...

Now to the tough part, if you feel that you are happy with where you are then maybe its time to add a bit more separation between you and your mother. Maybe this will help her understand what it is that she is doing to you.

Does any of this sound right or make any sense to you?
 

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You had one job!
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I'm about to be 32 and haven't spoke to my mother in 15 years. She is a worthless human being, terrible parent , drug addict and overall oxygen thief. Cutting her out was the best decision, she's never met my son or has any knowledge of what i'm up to. I hear from time to time through relatives about how bad off she is and it just confirms my decision. My advice would be to cut bait and focus on yourself and being happy.
 

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The Aviator
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Wow i can't tell you how much this thread hits home! Op i will give you my story maybe it will help. .................................................story.....................................keep doing what you are doing.... you are awesome :)
I actually read your entire story. I'd like to offer one piece of advice for you: try not to leave your current job anytime soon. Sounds like you found good work and you seem to have a history of switching careers. lol
 

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My mother in law tells my wife and I that we are the most horrible people on earth on an almost daily basis. She told me I have no balls an that's why we don't have children. She told my wife she should quit her job and go on disability because she has anxiety and hasn't been able to go to college. She constantly reminds us of how we are going to hell. The only solution was to block her from our lives. I feel your pain man. It really hurts being told you are a loser and will never get anywhere in life. The only thing you can do now is make yourself the person she thinks you will never be.


Sent from AutoGuide.com App
 

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Long story short...


My mother thinks I will never be able to support my self..... And I am a Failure...

Hey mom I have me Bachelors in exercise science..... I clawed my way from 16 years old working 2 jobs to get we're I'm at today.... Yet it's not good Enough for her.... Everything I do is always wrong....

MM...... WTF did I ever deserve this punishment from my mother????


I just wish she would support me... And not ask for money every day....

I can't take it.... I just can't....

I grew up with out a parent figure.... I just need one today.... I miss my dad haven't heard from him in years.....

I'm 24 and Tired..... I have no parent figures to turn to fore life advice, Financial and my future...... And older mmers want to help?
Turn around, move out of town, and say **** 'em. If being around them brings you down then stay away, it's as simple as that. I can relate to where you're coming from somewhat so take it from me... you don't need to be around such negativity.

I live with my mom and stepdad right now, I'm 24, and I started my career last September. Pretty much my whole family is a bunch of useless bums except for my grandma and a couple uncles/aunts on my biological father's side. Anybody else in the family who is doing alright wants nothing to do with us. My two step brothers are lazy as all hell and have psychotic girlfriends, my stepdad can't hold a job, and my mom is bipolar and flips **** over little meaningless things. Their house is in a shitty part of town where, no kidding, just a couple days ago there was like 70 hood rats outside brawling. Just being around this place irritates me. I'm a busy body so I can't understand how they can just sit on their asses in this **** hole part of town and be fine with it. I have plans to move out of state and this should happen very soon. I talked to the office at work, moving to Phoenix will be no problem and they will be able to get me working once I am there. Distancing myself from these people and this place will be a good choice.
 

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There are many reasons why but in short some people will tell you you will never amount to anything or call you a failure either because they believe it for whatever reason, or theyre simply trying to push you into becoming more than what you already are. Putting someone down by calling them a failure (especially when it comes from a parent) can backfire in a very bad way and many give up on everything, including life. Im glad to hear you are not one of those people and im sure the workforce and society in general will benefit greatly with your contributions. Keep your head up, be confident in your abilities and dont let anyone tell you you are a failure. And believe in yourself. That alone can go a long long way.

Best of luck to you, and to everyone else who finds themselves in the same boat.
 

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I actually read your entire story. I'd like to offer one piece of advice for you: try not to leave your current job anytime soon. Sounds like you found good work and you seem to have a history of switching careers. lol
Your suggestion is very valid. I don't plan on leaving my company i plan on retiring there ,but i would like to go back to motorcycle mechanics school and complete that ...... work a bit on the side and eventually when i cannot do my current job physically transfer into mechanics.


but by that time i will be in management with the current company.
 

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You got to keep on keeping on man, life’s a garden, dig it. :shiftyeyes

But on a serious note, I'm on 25, but my parents were never around growing up. The best advice I could give is to follow your heart. Some decisions you make will be stupid, but life is a learning experience, if you never **** up, you’ll never learn.

Besides, your 24, nice car, good education in a good field, and you have your whole life to excel in your field. It sounds to me like your mom has a jealousy issue of your success in my opinion.
 
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