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Cruising the backroads
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5,192 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Hell, i dont even know where to begin....

I guess it all started towards the end of June/beginning of july. My ex and i had been broke up for awhile, no big deal as ive hit it off with a new chick that ive known for awhile. (she's going through a breakup at this time too.) Anyway, I had just recieved news that my ex is in the hospital and has a cancerous mass cutting off circulation to her body. (we knew she had cancer, but not to this extent.) Anyway she's bedridden for awhile and is undergoing chemo treatments. Fast forward a little bit, ex asks to talk and says she has something to tell me. So we talk and she tells me that she was pregnant with my child, but due to the complications she had an abortion. Keep in mind im still talking to this new girl, shes aware of my ex's situation and is supporting me being there for her. But with this information, i felt like I was hit by a ton of bricks. I didnt sleep well and, i for damn sure didnt tell anyone for awile. (this is in mid august when i get this news.) It took me awhile to rebound from this news, hell i still am.

Fast forward a few weeks into september, my now girlfriend and i are relaxing. Her ex proceeds to harass her and wont leave her be. I can tell she gets anxious when any mention of his name is brought up, but his harassment has drove her into hysterics. She proceeds to tell me that he harasses her when he comes to get his stuff from her house. Nothing more nothing less. (what she is telling me) Well, i explain to her to have somone with her when he's there to avoid issue. She agrees and kind of sluffs the issue off.

Moving forward to october 4th. he proceeds to harass her again. Well, she goes into a panic attack, barely able to breathe. She proceeds to tell me that he had been raping her and threatening her over the past few month from when he found her and i. She barely is able to talk with how scared and shaking she is. Tells me that he had been this way towards the end relationship along with mentally belitting her and telling her she wasn't any good for anyone. I have her call her parents so she had a safe place to go when she goes home the next morning. (was going to go home that night, but decided it wasnt safe.) He called her 23 time in a 45 minute period.

The next day, the file for a restraining order, and she is keeping contact with me throughout the day. Shes terrified that he wont let her be, and is afraid that im going to leave her with what she told me the night before. Fast forward to 9:30 that night, he ends up breaking into her house and is threatening suicide. Cops are called and sent to her house to subdue him. Before they even enter the house they hear a gunshot. He killed himself in her backyard at around 11:26 that night. With her gun.

With all that has happened she dives into a deep state of depression. She wanted him gone, but not in the way he did it. (i dont blame her they lived together for 2.5 years before splitting.) Im afraid im going to loose her to herself. Thank god she pushes through it with the help of her family, friends, and i. Here and there she still has her moments of freaking out, or going into hysterics from his abuse.

With all of this happening Ive been having a hard time taking in what ive heard and dealing with family issues myself. I came to find out my grandmother had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, ex has lost all of her hair, and now ive had almost lost my girlfriend to her ex, then typical broke college student stress.
I ended up having some terribly terribly ****ed up dreams, and when i say ****ed up, i mean it. Ive never had dreams so vivid and realistic as these, and i dont care to talk about them due to them causing me not to sleep when i describe them. (talked to psychiatrist about them) Eventually they fade, and im beginning to find a new normal in my life. Girlfriend is doing so right along side me.

Moving onto the 28th of october, dad and i get into an arguement about my ex. I had been talking to her and just off the top of my head asked if dad was in with her and her friends still. (mom and him were going in to see her after final chemo treatment) She says yes, then instantly my dad calls me and tells me to calm my ****. Im taken back and expressed i didnt have an issue with what was going on. (backstory ex jokingly made jokes about banging my dad one night with me, didnt go over well.) anyway he came home and woke me up at 12:45 that night to chew my ass for no reason. I rolled over and went to bed after he left. The next day he and i sit down and talk about it, he apologized and expressed it was hard for him seeing such a young person choose not to go on with any further treatments and had expressed that all teh lifes happenings in the past few months had been taking a tole on everyone in our family. Expressed that mom and him were good, nothing to worry about.

October 30th we all got together prepping for a halloween party the next day. Mom, dad, me, girlfriend, brother, ex, and a few family and friends. No big deal. Girlfriend and i go off for a little romp session, because she finally felt comfortable doing so, oddly enough we get stuck on our way back, call for someone to come pull us out. (we now have a sex story lol) We get laughed at and made fun of the whole night. Few people leave, so she and i go to bed. Now its my aunt, uncle, mom, dad, ex. Well, girlfriend and i wake up to some yelling upstairs. We sluff it off as drunken shennagins and go back to sleep. Well, i get a call from my ex at 2:30 with her repeating, "im sorry." I go upstairs to find my mother gone, ex gone, dad drunk, aunt and uncle upset. I come to find in some drunken way, my dad kissed my ex, and mom got pissed. I brush it off as its happened before. (this is why i dont drink people!)

So i wake up the next morning to find the party had been canceled on my way to work. I call mom and see what the deal is. She's at a hotel and asks me to call into work. So i do, and go talk to her. Explains what happened last night. (already heard it) She decides that shes hungry and wants to get something to eat. So were on our way to get some breakfast, and on our way to the resturant we drive past the ex's house. We both are shocked and in awe when we see my dads truck there. My mother nearly puked and asked to go back to the hotel. I drop her off and tell her im going to get my brother for her. Well, before i go home, i stop down to chew my fathers ass. I end up finding he was asleep in her bed with her. Now im in an even more blind rage at this point. i chew his ass, go about the day talking to my mom and brother. They want some alone time, so i go get my girlfriend and spend the day with her to calm me down.

I get back that night and unsurprisingly am told that my mother and father are getting a divorce. Mom moves out 3 days later, and i move out a day after her. I was out on the 4th of november, hadnt talked to my father since the 31st of october. I just talked to him for the first time yesterday the 22nd.


My life has litterally been blown to bits, and i have days where i want to stick the barrel of my shotgun in my mouth and just end it there. The only things that stop me are my mom/brother and my girlfriend. Im glad i have the job i do because if i didnt get the pay i am, id be on the streets. My grades are slipping, ive lost 14 pounds in a month, and i hardly sleep.

I'm 19 years old, and i cannot believe this much has happened to me in a frame of about 3 months. Of all the people my dad left my mom for, was my cancerous ex, whom was the carrier of his grandchild. ****.

Cliffs

Ex gets cancer

Girlfriends physco ex kills himself

Dad leaves mom to be with cancerous ex.

Lariat is lost puppy.
 

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╚⊙ ⊙╝
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Holy ****. That is one ****ed up situation. My only advise would be to just keep your head up and plow through. Things might get worse or stay the same before they get better but they will get better. One day you will be able to look back and realize that this experience made you stronger.
 

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Rent Asunder!
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Damn... I don't know what to even say to that. That's a lot of stress for any single person to deal with. You're having to grow up very fast. Just keep on keeping on. If you are ever feeling really down in the dumps and need an uninvolved/unbiased person to speak to, PM me for my number.
 

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Keep pushing forwards man. I wish I had some sage-like advice to provide for your situation but I sadly do not.
As someone who has struggled with suicide, I can understand the mental struggle. If you wanna talk about it message me and we can exchange numbers. Life always moves forward, and with adversity comes strength.
 

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Holy ****. As I was reading this, I kept thinking in my head its going to be the run of the mill boy/girl/ex/ex problems. When I saw the cancerous part, I was like yep, there's the plot twist. As I kept reading I kept going ****. holy ****.

I couldn't imagine dealing with that. Keep your family close (mom,brother,gf) through all of this. Be vocal about it and don't bottle it up. You always need someone to lean on. Your gf sounds like shes having a rough time, even without all of this. Don't forget about the mental impact that this situation can put on her. Keep taking it one day at a time and keep looking forward.
 
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Cruising the backroads
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5,192 Posts
Discussion Starter #7
Thanks guys. I tend to think I'm a fairly level headed person, and have been getting back in the norm of things. I agree on pushing on. There is no reason to end it at this point. Ive changed some of my habits to allow me to chanel daily. A mundane repetitive cycle (school work home) had been killing me. I appreciate your input and some of you may get a PM.
 

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missippi roolz
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Holy **** man. I'm so sorry. If you can afford it, keep seeing that psychiatrist (if you feel like it helps at all - actually, if you're in college you should be able to get mental-healthcare for free from a college counselor). That is certainly a lot to deal with for someone your age but when you make it through you'll be a much more mature person and one tough bastard. Just keep seeking and taking support from the important and caring people in your life.
 

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11.5:1 or GTFO
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12,899 Posts
Holy hell, I was not expecting that. Keep your head up man. You're the same age as me, and I couldn't imagine going through that much all at once right now in life. My PM box is always open as well man, I'm here to talk.
 
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wow dude, that just kept getting worse and worse. But I'm going to be honest with you.

The most important thing in your life right now is school, and it looks like that is your last priority. If you fail out of school 5-10 years from now you are going to look back at this moment in your life and regret not putting in more effort.

Cut off all ties with your EX, she is giving you the most stress it seems like. What she did with your dad is unbelievable, she was willing to break up a marriage and hurt you in the process.

In due time forgive your dad. When we are young we see our parents as perfect human beings, but they make mistakes just like us. Who knows what was going through his mind, or what his relationship with your mom was actually like.

Be there for your mother, spend time with her, talk on the phone daily, it seems like she needs you right now.

Be with your Girlfriend, but try not to dwell in the past, move forward and grow stronger together from this experience.

And then again, put school first. Spend time in the library, get those grades up and focus on finishing your career.
 

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Cruising the backroads
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5,192 Posts
Discussion Starter #13
My schoolin isn't a big deal, it's a tech program, and I was expecting to struggle on one class, this has made it that much harder. I'm doing well, just not the straight a's I'm use to.

All ties with ex have been cut, although she tries talking to me and sends me into a blind rage.

Mom and I talk daily, so we're cool.

Girlfriend and I are gonna be unstoppable if she and I get through this together. She may get a ring. Lol

Talked to dad finally, he and I won't be as close as we had been, but I think our relationship is salvageable.
 

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Sounds like you are already in a road to recovery. I hope you are able to enjoy these up coming holidays my man.
 

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Thrbfirs..... Meat Eggs
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Wow, so much to go through for being so young. If you ever want to vent, shoot me a PM. I'm always around.

Times like this are when I wish Zip was still posting. He'd know exactly what to say.
 

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+1 for Zip wisdom.


There is a time for grieving and letting the storm blow through. But the key to that is knowing when that time is over and to put those things behind you and move forward with your life. People grow into who they are from little experiences in their life (the good and the bad). Those events shape the way a person acts and the way they think. The weak-willed will fall into that hole of "why me?" and "Poor me". The strong are able to get past that point, see the big picture, and move on while learning more about themselves. Many times, it will push them into focusing more on their goals, family, or giving back to others. Depression can suck you into that whoa-is-me hole and not let go. It's important to know when it becomes unhealthy that it starts to affect your life. I've said before on here, depression is a dark/silent monster that can consume your life and you, and only you, are the one facing the ongoing battle with it. It kills you from the inside out. As guys, we typically put on the strong mentality. Things are always strong and tough on the outside, but inside it is tearing away bit by bit.
 
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Still slow.
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Holy ****. Bro, if you ever need someone to call and talk to man let me know. I'm here for you man. If you want to take a trip to Canada beers on me, the entire time.

If you need anything, don't hesitate brother.
 

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Cruising the backroads
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5,192 Posts
Discussion Starter #20
I really appreciate everything guys. I just needed to get it out, I like most men put up a tough guy shield and say nothing about it. It sucks to hold it in, but I needed to get it out somewhere. I'm glad I'm putting myself forward and am moving on at this point, bit I still need to fix what I can that had been broken.
 
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