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Discussion Starter #1
I'm curious how many of you are not married but live with your boyfriend/girlfriend. How does it work? Do you regret it?

I'm in a relationship for only 8 months now, I have never dated anyone this long because I am very picky, but I may have found "the one"? We both have good careers, she is a couple years older and has had a career longer, but she has a lot less money saved than me. She currently rents her own apartment and her lease is up next month. I talked her into moving back in with her parents to save money and she agreed. I currently live with my parents and the plan was to continue saving for a house in a year or two. I CAN buy a house right now, but I don't want a "starter" house, I want my dream house. Also property taxes are like $10-15k here so although paying a mortgage is an investment, owning a large home as a legally single guy is not ideal. She hates the idea of living at home and wants me to give her a "time frame" on when we would get our own place. I explained to her that I would want to be in a relationship for at least a year before considering moving in with someone. Not sure what to tell her at this point. I am trying to be realistic about the possibility she is not the one for me, but I don't want to screw her over in the process.

I figure her moving back to her parents for a year is beneficial for herself regardless...she can save for her own condo in a year, even if we broke up. So I guess my options are 1- I start looking for condo/townhouse investment in my name, then charge her rent to live with me? (selfish plan?) Or 2, I could just stick to my original plan make her wait 1-2 years. Or, I could just bite the bullet and move in with her at some point at her current rental, and contribute rent, which would really delay my savings. Thoughts?
 

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missippi roolz
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Mmm, be careful. May look into your state laws to see if there is a "living together equals marriage-type ownership of possessions" kind of law (I forget the technical term for it - common-something-or-another) where you're on the hook for **** if things go south just as you would be in a marriage.

Not that things will go south, but that's a risk assessment you've got to make on your own. In my opinion, eight months isn't that long - but relationships have worked out under more strenuous circumstances so who knows.
 

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this doesn't really answer your question but i see a lot of younger guys talk about living with their parents until they can buy or build their dream house, and while that does sound awesome in theory, i would highly recommend a starter house, even if for a couple of years, because in that time frame you'll get a much better idea of things you'll want/not want in your next home.

my advice to those people is to buy a foreclosure, live in it for a while to learn what you like and don't like, then sell the house for a profit in a couple of years and then consider buying that dream house
 

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Discussion Starter #4
Mmm, be careful. May look into your state laws to see if there is a "living together equals marriage-type ownership of possessions" kind of law (I forget the technical term for it - common-something-or-another) where you're on the hook for **** if things go south just as you would be in a marriage.

Not that things will go south, but that's a risk assessment you've got to make on your own. In my opinion, eight months isn't that long - but relationships have worked out under more strenuous circumstances so who knows.
If it's in my name I would fine. The issues only arise when you try to kick someone out, you have to legally evict them once they live there, even if they don't contribute rent. This honestly isn't an concern for me, I trust her, I am am just playing devil's advocate with the breaking up scenario. I would feel like a real ass if we broke up and she left after contributing to my mortgage for however long.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
this doesn't really answer your question but i see a lot of younger guys talk about living with their parents until they can buy or build their dream house, and while that does sound awesome in theory, i would highly recommend a starter house, even if for a couple of years, because in that time frame you'll get a much better idea of things you'll want/not want in your next home.

my advice to those people is to buy a foreclosure, live in it for a while to learn what you like and don't like, then sell the house for a profit in a couple of years and then consider buying that dream house
That's a good point. I've thought about this a lot. I've just talked with so many coworkers who bought a starter house and after things went wrong, by the time they sold without losing money, ect., they realized it wasn't worth living unhappy for all those years. My standards aren't that high, my dream house mostly consists of an inground pool and nice property/location. I would more than likely sell and buy better in 10-15 years. I just don't want to waste 2-5 years in something I don't really want when I can suck it up a live at home for 1 more year to get what I want right now.

---------- Post added at 03:13 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:12 PM ----------

and 10-15k property taxes? ho. lee. fuk.
Welcome to NY. My job lets me live up to 25 miles away, but unfortunately I can't live out of state, otherwise I'd be in Pennsylvania
 

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Mmm, be careful. May look into your state laws to see if there is a "living together equals marriage-type ownership of possessions" kind of law (I forget the technical term for it - common-something-or-another) where you're on the hook for **** if things go south just as you would be in a marriage.

Not that things will go south, but that's a risk assessment you've got to make on your own. In my opinion, eight months isn't that long - but relationships have worked out under more strenuous circumstances so who knows.
*cough*civil union*cough* most states have it to where there is a time limit before that law kicks in. kinda like me and my girl. if we break up and she gets pissy about it she can technically take half my belongings cause we have been together for 9 years and in the same house for 7 and half years. even though she has never paid a bill(buys things we need like washer/dryer or fridge with income tax return) it will be deemed as a divorce.

as far as mach1dmb goes.......tell her how you feel. if she is alright with waiting for the relationship to mature a little then you know you can try to move on further with her. if not.....well then she might be bossy or pushy for ya. then if you are ok with that. then you are okay with that.
 

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I would deal with her financial obligation to the house as more of a lease to own option. Consider her contribution as rent with an own option after a period of time. Yes it seems tacky to do stuff on paper but that is for the protection of both parties.

Follow your gut. You will know when the time is right for getting to that next relationship level. Don't convince yourself to do anything, it should just feel right.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
I would deal with her financial obligation to the house as more of a lease to own option. Consider her contribution as rent with an own option after a period of time. Yes it seems tacky to do stuff on paper but that is for the protection of both parties.

Follow your gut. You will know when the time is right for getting to that next relationship level. Don't convince yourself to do anything, it should just feel right.
This is what I am thinking. Get her to move back with her parents to start, then hopefully prolong her desire to move into something until I save enough to afford what I want on my own, and then she can contribute to the mortgage no more than her rent was to begin with. Relationshipwise I do feel I could live with her now.

This... and what is considered a started home? price and size
In my area, like 1,000-1,500ft, $150-250k. If I could save another year I'd be looking at 3,000ft, ~$400k.
 

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missippi roolz
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In my area, like 1,000-1,500ft, $150-250k. If I could save another year I'd be looking at 3,000ft, ~$400k.
Man, my wife and I bought our first house in Houston with 2700 sqft for under $280 and we used like 25% of the square footage. There were two rooms I maybe walked into a total of like 12 times and a giant game room that never got used. Now, this is only my experience/opinion, but that's the help of a "starter" home - you may realize how much space you DON'T need. Unless you plan on popping out a **** load of kids. It just made me realize what a waste of money a lot of square footage is. Now, if we're talking about garage space - that's a totally different topic and you should shoot for as large as possible...

After spending the past year in a 2 bed/1 bath 800 sqft house in Seattle, I could easily be happy in a house with less than 1200 sqft as long as it had 1.5 baths and some storage or a garage.
 

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My 2 cents from experience, 8 months might be a little early to move in together. You both are going to find out a lot of new things about each other. Some might be good, some bad. With my ex we ended up fighting a lot once we moved in together. And I never had a fight with my current gf who moved in with me about three months ago.
 

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Not to mention the utility cost to heat and cool a big place. Swimming pool is a maintenance nightmare. Rent first and see if its going to work out.
 

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Man, my wife and I bought our first house in Houston with 2700 sqft for under $280
bullshit asshole, no one likes the tuna here

but i agree 100% with everything else you said. my house is ~1900 sq. ft. and i have a bunch of rooms that i don't use. they're filled with cob webs and might even.... actually brb

ok no, they don't have any homeless people squatting in them, but they could.

i thought this was my dream house when i got it but i later learned there are a lot of things i'd change. things you don't even think about until you've been in a house for a couple of years. hell, i might have even designed a house identical to this one when i moved in.

it's well worth the "wasted time" to learn things like this in a starter home IMO
 

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PSN alphadong11
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I would have to live in a pretty big place to live with someone else. I couldn't imagine living in my 1 bedroom apartment with someone. If it was just them maybe, but 2 people's **** in here would be too much. 2000sqft minimum. :lol
 

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missippi roolz
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bullshit asshole, no one likes the tuna here

but i agree 100% with everything else you said. my house is ~1900 sq. ft. and i have a bunch of rooms that i don't use. they're filled with cob webs and might even.... actually brb

ok no, they don't have any homeless people squatting in them, but they could.

i thought this was my dream house when i got it but i later learned there are a lot of things i'd change. things you don't even think about until you've been in a house for a couple of years. hell, i might have even designed a house identical to this one when i moved in.

it's well worth the "wasted time" to learn things like this in a starter home IMO
Yeah seriously, when people would come over they'd be like "wait, so just you and your wife live here?" We could have easily lived in a house half the size and had more than enough room. You learn real quickly that it's a ****ing waste of space unless you're some no-birth-control-ever Catholic family.

When my wife would get paranoid about someone being in the house, you gotta grab the shotgun and then clear all those ****ing rooms and closets and pantries and other doors you didn't even know existed when you moved in. 1000 sqft, you know if someone or some little creature is hiding in your house somewhere pretty easily.

Just give me a small, modernized 2/1.5 craftsman with decent kitchen and a ballin-ass garage and that's really all I need.
 

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PSN alphadong11
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I know if was buying a house I would hate the split level or 1½ story if I was going to stay in it forever. Ranch with a walk out basement would be cool. If I did have upstairs rooms then it sure as hell won't be the master and washer dryer on main floor.
 

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Biz Jet Fixer
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this doesn't really answer your question but i see a lot of younger guys talk about living with their parents until they can buy or build their dream house, and while that does sound awesome in theory, i would highly recommend a starter house, even if for a couple of years, because in that time frame you'll get a much better idea of things you'll want/not want in your next home.

my advice to those people is to buy a foreclosure, live in it for a while to learn what you like and don't like, then sell the house for a profit in a couple of years and then consider buying that dream house
THIS, THIS, THIS, THIS, THIS. I can't emphasize this enough for a PLETHORA of reasons.

I was in pretty much the same situation as you but I live in S Carolina where starter homes aren't $200k and property tax on a house is <$2k/year.

Worked an ok job that I thought I'd be at for 5-7 years gaining experience and had also dated a girl for about 6 months. Thought she was my dream girl. Asked her to move in (rented a duplex at the time). Learned a LOT about her that I would have never learned otherwise. About 4 months after she moved in I decided to stop throwing money away on rent. Went back and forth between "Do I want a starter home or dream home?". Ended up settling for a 900 sq ft starter home with 1/4 acre which was 1/4 the cost of my dream home ($60k vs $240k, big difference between here and NY). House itself was in good shape and in a good, safe part of town but outdated. Over the past 3 years I've been going through and doing minor remodeling work (nothing serious; new paint, lighting upgrades, soon to be installing new flooring, counter tops and a roof, etc). All stuff I can handle myself. If you aren't a handy man I'd highly recommend buying a starter home simply so you can gain experience in the "Homeowner's maintenance department" and see how much work a house can be and how amplified it gets when you're talking about a large house. In that time frame I also planned on proposing to this girl, we had our issues but nothing we couldn't work out, until I found out she was running around with another guy. She was paying her fair share of bills while she lived here but after she moved out, I could still handle the bills easily on my own (since I bought a cheaper house). Also shortly after purchasing the house, the owner of the company I worked for turned into a major d-bag and I found other employment 80 miles away from the house. I'm still in the house and have it paid down quite a bit. Should have the entire house paid off in the next 6-8 years and will make money on it when I do decide to sell it (if I don't rent it out). That's my story in short without getting into deep details. My point being is that TONS of variables will change. Lots of things you don't expect to happen will. You're much better off seeing these changes in a starter home than a full fledged dream home. Buying a "dream home" for a first home leads to regret more often than not.

For a dream home I originally wanted 3,000 sq ft and 20+ acres (Could be had for $300k if in the right parts of SC). Had I originally bought that vs a starter home, I would be in total regret right now. After being in a 900 sq ft house, I realize that I don't want more than 1,800 sq ft as long as I have a garage/small shop to work in and use for storage. The more land the better though.

Three bits of advice that I can't stress enough:

1) Live with her before you mutually buy a place/get married, you may learn that you hate her.
2) Buy a starter home. Like BWAL said, you will learn A LOT of things that you do or don't want in a "dream house". Then you really can look for a dream house once you learn exactly what you want, not what you THINK you want.
3) Be 120% sure you're going to be at your current employer for at least 5-7 years after buying a place or at least ensure that there is ample work in your field in the area.
 

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missippi roolz
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THIS, THIS, THIS, THIS, THIS. I can't emphasize this enough for a PLETHORA of reasons.

I was in pretty much the same situation as you but I live in S Carolina where starter homes aren't $200k and property tax on a house is <$2k/year.

Worked an ok job that I thought I'd be at for 5-7 years gaining experience and had also dated a girl for about 6 months. Thought she was my dream girl. Asked her to move in (rented a duplex at the time). Learned a LOT about her that I would have never learned otherwise. About 4 months after she moved in I decided to stop throwing money away on rent. Went back and forth between "Do I want a starter home or dream home?". Ended up settling for a 900 sq ft starter home with 1/4 acre which was 1/4 the cost of my dream home ($60k vs $240k, big difference between here and NY). House itself was in good shape and in a good, safe part of town but outdated. Over the past 3 years I've been going through and doing minor remodeling work (nothing serious; new paint, lighting upgrades, soon to be installing new flooring, counter tops and a roof, etc). All stuff I can handle myself. If you aren't a handy man I'd highly recommend buying a starter home simply so you can gain experience in the "Homeowner's maintenance department" and see how much work a house can be and how amplified it gets when you're talking about a large house. In that time frame I also planned on proposing to this girl, we had our issues but nothing we couldn't work out, until I found out she was running around with another guy. She was paying her fair share of bills while she lived here but after she moved out, I could still handle the bills easily on my own (since I bought a cheaper house). Also shortly after purchasing the house, the owner of the company I worked for turned into a major d-bag and I found other employment 80 miles away from the house. I'm still in the house and have it paid down quite a bit. Should have the entire house paid off in the next 6-8 years and will make money on it when I do decide to sell it (if I don't rent it out). That's my story in short without getting into deep details. My point being is that TONS of variables will change. Lots of things you don't expect to happen will. You're much better off seeing these changes in a starter home than a full fledged dream home. Buying a "dream home" for a first home leads to regret more often than not.

For a dream home I originally wanted 3,000 sq ft and 20+ acres (Could be had for $300k if in the right parts of SC). Had I originally bought that vs a starter home, I would be in total regret right now. After being in a 900 sq ft house, I realize that I don't want more than 1,800 sq ft as long as I have a garage/small shop to work in and use for storage. The more land the better though.

Three bits of advice that I can't stress enough:

1) Live with her before you mutually buy a place/get married, you may learn that you hate her.
2) Buy a starter home. Like BWAL said, you will learn A LOT of things that you do or don't want in a "dream house". Then you really can look for a dream house once you learn exactly what you want, not what you THINK you want.
3) Be 120% sure you're going to be at your current employer for at least 5-7 years after buying a place or at least ensure that there is ample work in your field in the area.
All this ****^^^

The amount of **** that has changed in my life in the past 5 years is absurd. I could never plan for all the **** that has been thrown my way in my late 20s. Luckily, even though I got laid off due to the oil market, the housing market in Houston was still good enough to get a little over break-even on our house but it was stressful knowing that the housing industry is fairly tightly tied to the oil market there. Luckily, the industry has diversified a bit down there in the past decade or so.

And yeah, been with my wife for nearly a decade, since I was 19 and we have both changed a lot (hence current situation) so 8 months ain't nothing especially if you're in your early 20s.
 

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Rent Asunder!
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this doesn't really answer your question but i see a lot of younger guys talk about living with their parents until they can buy or build their dream house, and while that does sound awesome in theory, i would highly recommend a starter house, even if for a couple of years, because in that time frame you'll get a much better idea of things you'll want/not want in your next home.

my advice to those people is to buy a foreclosure, live in it for a while to learn what you like and don't like, then sell the house for a profit in a couple of years and then consider buying that dream house
I can't agree with this enough. I had an idea set out for exactly what I wanted with my dream home. Then I got it and quickly realized that it actually wasn't as homey as I thought it would be. Tried redecorating but eventually just ended up selling and got into something different.

Houses are a lot like pussy. You don't know how good it is until you get up in it. Find you a starter home to get your feet wet, then expand on your dream home goals from there.
 
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