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The term "Ricer" has come to mean anyone who puts random, tasteless "modifications" to their inexpensive imported automobiles, up to the point where there is but a shadow of the vehicle's former self.

You have many paths you can follow... the path of the American made muscle cars, the path of the family sedans, the imported luxury cars of Germany, so on and so forth. So why do these people choose the ghey way? Let us find out:

A young male's life is usually full of ego and a desire to prove himself better than his peers. Unfortunately, this often leads to stupidity, whether it be jumping a BMX bike off of a house or taking a dare to dive into an empty pool, both of which often result in broken bones and injured pride. The search for "top dawgness" broadens with each failure, with the subject looking for new ways to prove himself. Then by the time he reaches driving age, he has a new problem... "The Car Factor."

Many teens end up driving their parents cars, which are rarely ego-enhancing, such as Crown Victoria sedans, or Mercury minivans. Most teens would rather die than be caught in a minivan, so they try desperately to make the minimum amount of money possible to purchase a car with. PLOT POINT!! What are the cheapest cars? Ah! Usually these are small imports, or older domestic vehicles. Again, the Ego kicks in and screams to buy a newer car, so the import it is. Except some southern states where they buy the old domestics, but that's a different story and will be expounded on shortly.

So the teen happily drives off to high school, in small Midwestern town, in his new Honda (the most common of inexpensive imports) to impress his friends.... however, when he reaches school, he sees that every other classmate also has a Honda. And when everyone has a Honda, no one is impressed with YOUR Honda, obviously.

He returns home that evening, his ego crushed. This is another important turning point in the life of a teen. His mind is filled with questions, he is endeavoring to be different, yet it seems impossible.... what can he do? Either, he can join the crowd, or he can be different. Those 2 choices are the only available, short of saying "screw this" and committing suicide. The next couple of weeks are a nightmare of dreariness and sameness.

Then one day he checks the oil in his 1.6l I-4 engine and notices it's a quart low. Off he goes to the auto parts store. He purchases his quart of 5W30 oil and has he hands over his money... his eyes fall upon a beautiful girl on the cover of Modified Mag . On impulse, he purchases the magazine, more for the excitement of scantily clad women than for the unrealized fact that he is about to enter a whole different world......

Upon opening the magazine he is bombarded with pictures and advertisements of performance parts, stories of drifting heroes (is there such a thing?) and pictures of car JUST LIKE HIS!!!

His jaw drops. His eyes glaze over, his head tilts to one side and a thin line of drool strings down from the lower corner of his slightly opened mouth. The girl on the opposite page has been forgotten. The APC straight through free flowing exhaust canister on the glossy page before him has his full attention. His thoughts a blur, his head spinning, visions of glamour whirring through his head... he runs for the phone and places an order.

A ricer has just been born.

The day of truth arrives...

The UPS truck arrives early one Moring and the driver is tackled by a mad rush of flailing arms and legs, demanding to know where the beloved stainless can is...

Once delivered, the teen rushes to his car, jacks the rear up, grabs Daddy's hack saw, and cuts the stock muffler off. Then in a moment of non-idiotness, he takes his bike to the auto parts store to get a muffler clamp. He finishes the installation, drops the car off the jack, and hops in.

He turns the key.

Now there are 2 directions he can go here. Either he will LOVE his new fart can. Or he will hate it. However, like 99.99999% of those who install a fart can... he loves it.

The engine ROARS to life with a power he has never felt. It rattles him to his very core. He spends the next 10 minutes revving to 6K RPM over and over, dizzy with excitement. The last bits of sanity are leaving his brain. For a moment, he hears a tiny voice tell him that the car now sounds like a pissed off bumblebee. He ignores it. Now, his fate is sealed.

That last bit of sanity was the only thing holding him back. He pulls out of his driveway, a wild gleam in his eye. He is no longer the same. He is DIFFERENT.

Monday morning he barrels off to school, eager to show his classmates what he has done. He arrives.... and eases around the parking lot, revving at every person he sees. Most of them stare in awe. Some laugh, but he convinces himself that someone just told a funny joke, unaware that he IS the joke. He is in high spirits for the rest of the week.

Then the next week rolls around. At this point, the freshmen think he is God, the sophomores think his car is cool, the juniors keep asking him something about Vtec, and the seniors ignore him. The girls adore his car. He is happy.

Then he hears about a new movie about to be released, a lot of the guys are going to see it, it's called The Fast and The Furious. He decides to go since it looks kind of cool. Again, he leaves slack jawed and drooling.

Going home he races half of his classmates, weaving through traffic where he can, tailgating, not signaling, and because he's the biggest idiot he wins every race. He, however, chalks up his wins as to the HP increase that the muffler gave him. This he tells to the rest of his friends.

Unfortunately, this is where the Rice age spreads.

The next week, all of the other males and even a couple of the girls in the school have fart cans. Some of the more adventurous have dual tips, and one guy even has a dual exhaust which splits right before the rear. So now that everybody is the same again, it's time to upgrade. Our friend buys the biggest aluminum wing he can find and quickly installs it on his car. Once again, he is on top of the heap. But lo and behold, the next week there's even guys with CF wings.

This indicates a lot of competition on the part of the ricers. Nightly street races are starting to be held. Wal Mart at midnight turns into prime "drifting" real estate. Running from cops becomes a game. You are SO uncool if you don't have a huge sound system. The F&F line of performance parts is released, and you're a bum if you don't have the intitials F&F in your car somewhere. Underbody lighting is the norm. Our poor friend has run out of money, decides not to go to college, wrecks his car, gets a job at McDonalds, and buys another Honda as soon as possible, but this time with VTec. His 16.9 1/4 mile times are the talk of the town.

Then across the country, a 16 year old is presented with his first car on his birthday. A 1994 Honda Accord 4 door. He's happy for the first week, then he hears about this new movie called 2Fast 2Furious coming out....

He drives to Wal Mart and buys the original on DVD.

Domestic drivers are the opposite. They typically focus on engine performance instead of appearance. This leads to ricers and domestics rivalrys. The ricers lose to domestic drivers because they had engine problems or the VTec didn't kick in right. The domestic drivers lose to ricers because they spun down in every gear.

(Here we go) You might be a ricer if.....

1. Your exhaust is louder than your stereo
2. You have the initials "F&F" on the outside of your car
3. You have the initials "F&F" ANYWHERE in your car
4. You have ever SEEN the Fast and the Furious
5. Your steering wheel glows
6. You have any number of LCD monitors in your car
8. You talk like the ethnic group you admire
9. You think stickers give you HP
10. You KNOW that 4 cams are better then 1
11. You've ever used the term "Vtec Ownz"

12. You actually think Acura is a high end car company
13. You don't know who Edelbrock is
14. You own NFS Underground 1 and 2 for PC, Xbox AND PS2
15. You've never heard NOS used as a brand name, instead this is called "NAAAAWWWWZZZ"
16. 6 psi is high boost
17. If you think an intercooler is that big radiator thingy
18. Clear differential covers are cool
19. You've ever bottomed out on a speedbump
20. Coilovers are only $95
21. The coolest tires are less than an inch thick. Even on 13" rims.
22. You paint your drum brakes
23. You paint your interior
24. You paint your exhaust
25. You knock off your rearview every week from the subs hitting
26. You're going 40 but you sound like your going 110
27. You have a compressed air BOV
28. You stay in 2nd gear in a 35 mph zone
29. Your spoiler came off of a small Cessna
30. Your spoiler came off of a small Boeing
31. Domestic drivers think you're a dork
32. Your friends think you're a dork
33. Your MOM thinks you're a dork
34. You KNOW you're a dork
35. A muffler is an exhaust system
36. Vented fenders have some performance gains
37. A 10" tachometer is necessary
38. You can't drive without a shift light
39. You have 110 hp and a Stage 3 clutch
40. You have racing harnesses bolted into the floor.... and stock seats... and you have Sparco seat belt pads
41. You port-and-polish your flywheel
42. You think indliglo is actually cool
43. Indligo is used anywhere in your house relating to a car
44. CF hoods are out of reach except for the l33t
45. Veilside is God
46. You can actually feel a performance difference with your new spark plugs
47. You have every manufacturers' sticker on your car, but none of their products
48. A Tach with 10K RPM is necessary for a stock ECU
49. You would rather drive a Honda over a BMW
50. You remember the last time you changed your oil, but not the last time you saw your penis
 

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very good +100
 

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i had a honda for a while and i was embarrased to drive it. it didnt have anything done to it. and it burnt more oil than fuel lol
 

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You hit the nail on the head my friend.
 

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trololololol. Awesome. I'm so glad i drive a stang. Imports are ****.
 

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I agree 100%!
 
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