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DSMs are cool...
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Blah blah blah, blah blah....SHE CAME BY AT 2AM.......(go on....)



Jk man, hope you find happiness with her.
Lol thanks. It's there, just have to bring it back to the top
 
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Manthusiast
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I like how you said "never settle for someone who isn't right for you" instead of "never settle for anyone less than perfect". There is no "perfect". There is " compatible". Sure there is the acceptance that your significant other is "perfect for you" but the individuals that "won't settle for anyone less than perfect" usually are still developing their priorities and values (like younger people).

I also like how you said, "learned....what not to accept". Similarly, on the flip side if you learn "what not to do" from relationships and carry that experience and self awareness over to the next relationship that can be a useful tool. I think I literally learned a ton of "****" about myself from trial and error over the years of dating serious and non serious relationships before marriage. I felt I was ready at 31 to marry. Sure, there is the "...what not to accept part" which can be all over the place. For me, other than common "wants" that a ton of people seek, what I learned that I couldn't accept, which was huge, was I couldn't accept someone who couldn't "let me in" enough to be able to decipher their feelings enough to communicate effectively. I can be open and a good listener and you can tell me how you feel or not and vice versa but without good communication it makes things extremely difficult.
You said you can't accept someone who will let you in, I'm curious as to what you mean by this. My girlfriend complains I show no emotions and hates that I can read her like a book, she says she can't read me at all and gets upset that I can pick up on ques from her, yet I'm blank.
 

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You said you can't accept someone who WOULD NOT let you in, I'm curious as to what you mean by this. My girlfriend complains I show no emotions and hates that I can read her like a book, she says she can't read me at all and gets upset that I can pick up on ques from her, yet I'm blank.

FTFY

I couldn't marry someone who couldn't "let me in". I dont have to be " in the vault" 24/7 but basically someone who couldn't let their walls down enough that would allow us to communicate effectively and grow together.

Sounds like you are a "poker face." World Poker Tour? Jk. Doesnt mean that's a bad thing. She just might want to nurture you a little more and it might make her feel some sense of accomplishment to "be there" for you without you asking. Do you not feel comfortable showing her ques or are you just one of those people that "hold it all in"?
 

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Manthusiast
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FTFY

I couldn't marry someone who couldn't "let me in". I dont have to be " in the vault" 24/7 but basically someone who couldn't let their walls down enough that would allow us to communicate effectively and grow together.

Sounds like you are a "poker face." World Poker Tour? Jk. Doesnt mean that's a bad thing. She just might want to nurture you a little more and it might make her feel some sense of accomplishment to "be there" for you without you asking. Do you not feel comfortable showing her ques or are you just one of those people that "hold it all in"?
Just one of those people that doesn't show a lot of emotions, I mean we laugh a lot and tease each other, but she can never tell when I am thinking something.
Like last night I could tell she was jealous over something, that she disliked a conversation, and could pretty much guess her exact thoughts. She can never tell when I have an issue with something she does or if I don't enjoy a situation.
Guess you could say I have resting bitch face. Doesn't help My dads the same way.
 

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God damn man Im the same way lol and fiance is a little needy so she hates it too.
 

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DSMs are cool...
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Things were better today even..finally got a little romance back.
 

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Just one of those people that doesn't show a lot of emotions, I mean we laugh a lot and tease each other, but she can never tell when I am thinking something.
Like last night I could tell she was jealous over something, that she disliked a conversation, and could pretty much guess her exact thoughts. She can never tell when I have an issue with something she does or if I don't enjoy a situation.
Guess you could say I have resting bitch face. Doesn't help My dads the same way.
Resting bitch face lol
 

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Something wrong? Dude tries to play it off "nah I'm cool"

(really I'm just about to have atomic diarrhea and she thinks it's about her)

She keeps interrogating. Not happy till you freckle her face.
 

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Discussion Starter #129
Today I broke up with the girl I have been seeing for almost a year. I feel terrible. Things started getting serious around Thanksgiving, and I should have ended it then, but I was too much of a pussy so I didn't.

Last week she started calling me her boyfriend, and thats when I realized I just did not feel like that. I like her a lot, she is super nice, does anything for me, but I am not in love with her, and because of that I never treated her like I was supposed to. She cried a lot, and I cried a little bit too. But I don't want to keep wasting her time, she deserves someone who truly loves her.
 

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Today I broke up with the girl I have been seeing for almost a year. I feel terrible. Things started getting serious around Thanksgiving, and I should have ended it then, but I was too much of a pussy so I didn't.

Last week she started calling me her boyfriend, and thats when I realized I just did not feel like that. I like her a lot, she is super nice, does anything for me, but I am not in love with her, and because of that I never treated her like I was supposed to. She cried a lot, and I cried a little bit too. But I don't want to keep wasting her time, she deserves someone who truly loves her.
Wait wait wait... You've been seeing her a year and you broke up with her because she calls you her boyfriend?

If you don't want to be her boyfriend/not that into her, why did you drag her around for a year? That's rough dude.

For her sake (and yours too actually), do not even think about going back when you get lonely. It's better for both of you not to. Hopefully, she has enough self respect to not even consider it.
 

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Came in to vent that I hadn't cranked Viper up in over two months and today I did and wife said I woke her from her nap. I felt bad at first but then I felt like



Today I broke up with the girl I have been seeing for almost a year. I feel terrible. Things started getting serious around Thanksgiving, and I should have ended it then, but I was too much of a pussy so I didn't.

Last week she started calling me her boyfriend, and thats when I realized I just did not feel like that. I like her a lot, she is super nice, does anything for me, but I am not in love with her, and because of that I never treated her like I was supposed to. She cried a lot, and I cried a little bit too. But I don't want to keep wasting her time, she deserves someone who truly loves her.
That's a hard thing to do. If she was "all in" and you weren't, better not to waste anymore of her time.
 
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Discussion Starter #132
Wait wait wait... You've been seeing her a year and you broke up with her because she calls you her boyfriend?

If you don't want to be her boyfriend/not that into her, why did you drag her around for a year? That's rough dude.

For her sake (and yours too actually), do not even think about going back when you get lonely. It's better for both of you not to. Hopefully, she has enough self respect to not even consider it.

The first like 7 months we were just **** buddies (her idea) then she started falling for me (about three months ago), and I thought I was falling for her. But then I realized I just didn't like her in that way. Am I supposed to know right away I'm not going to like someone down the line?

Three months ago we became exclusive, and that's how long it took me to realize I wasn't in love with her, and might never be.

---------- Post added at 09:04 AM ---------- Previous post was at 09:00 AM ----------

Looking for some opinions and figured this thread would work instead is starting a new one.

So I'm planning on getting a house with a couple good friends in the next month once their current lease is up. I'd be signing a one year lease and then hoping to buy after then.

This girl that I'm pretty interested in and kind of had a little fling at the end of summer / in November. I told her I was interested in a relationship and she said she just wanted to remain as friends because she currently lives 6 hours away for school but would be open to more when she moves back. We talk every day or couple days and haven't talked about that since end of November.

The other day she asked me if I was looking for a roommate for the summer when she moves back because she is going to be looking for a place. I told her I would be open to looking at a place if she found something and that I'm not interested in living with people I don't know.

I'm pretty sure I don't want to move in with her just as room mates because it will bother me if nothing happens between us and she brings a guy home or I'd feel weird bringing girls there.

I think I'm going to still get this place with my friends and let her stay there for a few weeks when she first moves back and needs some time to save some cash for a place for the summer.

I already checked with my friends and they are cool with it.

What are your guys thoughts? I'm going to obviously have to have a talk with her and see what she is looking for between us if anything and go from there I supposed. I'm thinking either way it probably isn't the best idea to get a place for just the two of us.

Moving in with someone is a huge step forward. Specially if you two aren't that serious. If its only for a couple of weeks might not be that bad, because it would be towards the beginning of the relationship, where the spark is brightest.
 
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The first like 7 months we were just **** buddies (her idea) then she started falling for me (about three months ago), and I thought I was falling for her. But then I realized I just didn't like her in that way. Am I supposed to know right away I'm not going to like someone down the line?

Three months ago we became exclusive, and that's how long it took me to realize I wasn't in love with her, and might never be.



Gotcha, didn't get all that detail from your original post.
Yeah, girls that start out as **** buddies and then end up wanting to further it can be tricky, especially if you're not feeling it. I get it, and agree you weren't dragging her along for a year. It's all good.
 
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Goose my opinion is that the pattern is full. No go.
 

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Discussion Starter #136
****. I need some advise.

A couple of posts above I explained that I broke up with this girl I was seeing. Last night we had a final talk where we both poured out our feelings, and basically said our goodbyes.

I was balling my eyes out. I am a pretty emotional person, but I was not expecting to cry over this at all. And now im wondering if I made a mistake.

I broke up with her because I felt I didnt love her. I loved everything about her, I just did not feel that spark?

Now im wondering if I never actually feel in love with her because I didnt open my self up. I have a very stupid rule that if a girl puts out on the first or second time I meet her I won't be able to take her seriously. Its not so much a rule, but a way I feel. Anyways, that is what happen with her, and I think that, mixed with some other stuff she told me at the beginning of the relationship shut me off.

We spent so much time together, that I grew accustom to her, I just never actually showed her much affection. I never did anything of the boyfriend stuff like randomly buying her gifts, taking her out, holding hands, kissing her just for the hell of it. If we were out in public I would rarely act like her boyfriend, but more like a friend.

I acted this way because I did not get that feeling you get when you want to put someone else's happiness above yours, and I think that was because I was trying to get her not to like me as much. I was trying to get her to not like me as much, because from the get go I established to my self that I could never have anything serious with her because of what happened at the beginning of the relationship.

When I saw her crying last night, I realized how much I actually care for this girl. it BROKE my heart to see her so sad, and to know that I did this to her. It made me incredibly sad knowing that she wont have me anymore to share stories with, to spend time with, to text... It made me want to do the things I never did for her.


This is where I need advise.

Do you guys/gals think that having gone through this breakup might have triggered me to break through the barrier that was holding me back from truly opening up to her and show her the affection she deserves? If I start caring for her in a way that I WANT to make her happy, then I know we could really be happy together.

Or do you think that Im just feeling bad for hurting her because I cared about her as a friend, but if the feelings of love weren't there before they wont be here now.

The last thing I want to do is to ask her to give me another chance only to realize in a month I actually don't want to be with her. But if we did get back together, I would start doing all the things I should have done to make her happy from the beginning, and see if that, combined with the emotions I felt yesterday when we broke, it might jump start the feelings I shut off from the beginning of this relationship.
 

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Max, I think you just feel bad right now. I felt bad for leaving my ex years ago, and that was all about me being a pretty emotional guy and nothing about me loving that blood sucking demon ****.
 

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Max, I think you just feel bad right now. I felt bad for leaving my ex years ago, and that was all about me being a pretty emotional guy and nothing about me loving that blood sucking demon ****.
I hope so man. This wasnt a blood sucking demon **** though haha. She was super nice, which is why I feel so bad.
 

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I hope so man. This wasnt a blood sucking demon **** though haha. She was super nice, which is why I feel so bad.
To me it sounds like you messed up. I have a friend who goes by some standards that are really kind of idk too self centered, and for that reason he hasn't ever had a real relationship. It sounds like you are too afraid to open yourself up for a real relationship and that made you not fall in love with her. For some people, it takes time to fall in love, but it only happens when two people both open themselves up to it, and you didn't until you came to the realization that you really do care for her. If you really feel like you want to do those things for her then maybe you should go and tell her that and hope she takes you seriously enough to give you a chance to open yourself up and be a man who cares for her instead of just always seeing her as a **** buddy who put out the first or second date. If you don't feel like you want to be in a relationship or be a boyfriend then just move on and wait until you're ready to open yourself up to someone.
 
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