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Speedy Mchauls Ass
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Discussion Starter #224
No worries, i started typing up the latest dag last week but we are in full swing of the busy season now and time to write is faaaaaar harder to come by now a days. I had quite the incident two weeks back involving indians and a fat lady with a (i **** you not) either a pork chop tattoo.
 

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No worries, i started typing up the latest dag last week but we are in full swing of the busy season now and time to write is faaaaaar harder to come by now a days. I had quite the incident two weeks back involving indians and a fat lady with a (i **** you not) either a pork chop tattoo.
 

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FBGM
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6,177 Posts
We demand more dags immediately
 

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PSN alphadong11
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28,934 Posts
staring at 3 work orders stating 4 things are wrong in the same apartment. the dishwasher, the oven, and the dryer all not working correctly. really? what are the odds that all of your appliances don't work correctly and its nothing that your are doing or caused by your lack of cleaning? I swear to god these people don't pre rinse their dishes, never empty the lent trap, spill **** in the oven, over pack a compact dryer and expect it to be dry in 50min and its some how my problem or the appliances fault that the **** doesn't work.
 

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Speedy Mchauls Ass
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Discussion Starter #230
staring at 3 work orders stating 4 things are wrong in the same apartment. the dishwasher, the oven, and the dryer all not working correctly. really? what are the odds that all of your appliances don't work correctly and its nothing that your are doing or caused by your lack of cleaning? I swear to god these people don't pre rinse their dishes, never empty the lent trap, spill **** in the oven, over pack a compact dryer and expect it to be dry in 50min and its some how my problem or the appliances fault that the **** doesn't work.
....what the actual fizuck
 

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Speedy Mchauls Ass
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Discussion Starter #231
GATHER ROUND ****ERS.....ITS THAT TIME AGIAN!

ITS STORY TIME WITH ROCCO!!!!

its been a long ****ing week, elevator took a ****, roof blew off and the Indians are back from cherrokee and all of this in one 18 hour period, not to mention i have a desk clerk that thinks he is supreme overlord over the internet systems and security systems and he is not. thats my job. i am to supreme pizza as he is to cheese pizza but he has yet to figure this out.

anywho
Image uploading. Refresh page to view

(count down to when someone photoshops dicks into that gif)



to day started out harmless enough, bird chirping and ****, sun was out, it was like 80 degrees but that was the highlight of my day. see i was being called in because we could no longer remote view our security systems because Lord WiFi ****ed up the routers again.


10:30 am

i arrive at the motel..... IN MAH NEW TRUCK MIGHT I ADD!
Image uploading. Refresh page to view



*phone rings*

me: hello (bleeeeep) how my i help....

dag: YES I WOULD LIKE TO BOOK ONE OF THOSE ROOOMS, THEY GOT DAT JACUZZZZZZZZI IN EM

me: (MOTHER OF **** COULD YOU TALK ANY LOUDER!!) YES MAM, WE HAVE THOSE (MEETING HER VOLUME EQUALLY AS LOUD)

dag: HOW MUCH IT BE FO 1 NIGHT?

me: just one second.....( rack rate of 59.95, 10 dollar fee for destroying my hearing in everyway possible and the 5.00 i hate you fee) mam?

dag: WHAT?

me: huh? oh it will be 89.95 (i rounded up)

dag: last time we stayed there...

me: (oh for **** sake, here we go)

dag: it was 29.45 and tax

me: was not, it has never been that rate.....ever

dag: it was to

me: was not, i know for a fact it wasnt, our minimum rate is 49.95 not 29 (oh **** im being a asshole and jill said i wasnt allow to be a dick anymore) you may have us mistaken with another motel mam

dag: i dont like your tone

me: (i dont like you) im sorry mam but the truth is that our rate is 89.95, now if you stay 3 nights i can give you 10.00 off

dag: (yells to here husband) HEY! RICKYBOBBYJIMBOB BASS HE SAYS HE WILL GIVE IT TO US FOR 10.00 OFF IF WE BOOK 3 NIGHTS OR MORE

dags husband: SHEEEEEIT THATS ALMOST 40.00 OFF *heard in the background*

me: o_O (you no math what good)

dag: OH YEAH WE TAKE THAT, THATS A GOOD DEAL 10 OFF A NIGHT!

me: :shiftyeyes (i seem to have made the screaming mongoose happy) ok i just need some info from you and we can get your reservation in place, when are you coming? ( i swear if you say as we speak and start moaning that the last person did, i will commit suicide)

dag: uuhhhhhhhhhhhhh......

me: ( WAS THAT A ****ING MOAN) mama?

dag: HOLD ON, IMA THINGKIN (say it just as i spelled it)

me: ........ *begins making the universal jack off sign*

dag: oh! WE IS COMING TODDAY

ME: :facepalm: (REALLY.....HOW CAN YOU BE THIS STUPID AND NOT KNOW WHEN YOU ARE EVEN COMING IN.....WHEN ITS TODAY!!!)


*A SHORT SERIES OF QUESTIONS LATER*


me: ok i need your zip code please

dag: ******* (its cherrokees zip code)

me: (fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.... you people always cause problems) ok mam i have your reservation right here and i will see you soon!

*dag hangs up with out further conflict*


-12:4.....something pm IDK-

-there is a nasty storm moving is and the wind is cutting about 60 mph in straight lines and **** getting crazy up in hurr-



*struggling with printer, trying to refill the paper tray*

me: *grabs multiple sheets of paper* yes, take my load of white paper

*wont fit, grabbed to much paper*

me: how about now *still no beuno*

*removes more paper*

me: now? *begins shoving paper into tray at maximum force*

*still to much!*

me: I WILL DESTROY YOU HP LASERJET P1101W!


*phone rings*

me: *throws paper in fit of rage, paper now covers 95% of the desk* .... O.e FML!! hello how may i help you?

Jill: rocco?

me:.....what

jill: the cameras still dont work, i cant see **** on my phone

me:......no ****? that might be because i have yet to get to that problem....

jill: dont be a ass just fix it

me: why does this need to be delt with right this moment, im in the fight of my life with this stupid printer....

jill: i need to be able to watch everyone work...

me: ......pervert..

jill: blow it out you ass

me: you would like that wouldnt you...*heres her hang up the phone*...PERVERT!

*TURNS AROUND TO SEE A LARGE LADY STANDING IN MY LOBBY*

ME: hello what can i do for you?

Dag: yeah hunneh wez gotza reservation widjall (good luck reading that ****)

me: oh ok, whats the first name .....*notices she has what looks like a cross tattoo on her right shoulder*....thats a interesting tattoo you got there

dag: oh this old ting? hunneh thats from a long time ago...

me: oh is it tribal? (she indian so must bee)

dag: sweety child no thats a pork chop...

me:..........(BWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAH WTAF!) *snicker* uh...how come *pfssssss* i mean to stay *choking back tears* what pork chop

dags husband: *from the couch in the lobby* BECAUSE SHES A FAT ASS!

me: e.o.....(ho god ho god ho god! i cant do it! i just cant do it) falls in the floor laughing my ass off

dag: mothafuck i told you not to speak! bitch you want to eat tonight dont you!

me: (oh ****!) snaps to attention

dags husband: pfssss wtf ever you know who wears the britches in this relationship!

me: (shut up dude, this bitch has the size and capacity of a small bread truck, you may never be heard from again) here are your keys enjoy your stay (please dont eat me)

*dag leaves, phone rings*

me: hello how may i help you?

jill: rocco

me: now what

jill: moms dog is sick

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me: i dont care

jill: oh and bobby is sick, you have to cover third shift tonight, we have 3 late reservations coming in and you need to take care of it

*loud noise heard in parking lot*

me: OH **** NIGGA! THE ROOF JUST BLEW THE **** OFF AND LANDED ON A CAR!

JILL: WHAT?!

*hangs up phone and runs outside*

me: *see that part of the roof has blown off and landed on one of the maids cars* OH THANK GOD, its just marys car thats distroyed.

mary: OH YEAH BECAUSE THATS SOOOOO MUCH BETTER!

me: meh.....*goes back inside while mary rages out*


-12 am now...things are quiet.... to quiet...


me: *le derpin on the omputer*

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*loud thud heard from outside*

me: maybe its just thunder and it will go away.

*more more disturbing louder noises heard from out side*

me: please be thunder! please? please??

*yet another loud noise followed by muffled cussing and a loud clang!*

me:.....my suspicions are now aroused.....

*phone rings*

Image uploading. Refresh page to view


me: front desk

customer: yes we are in 304 and there are some people fighting on the balcony.

me: yes sir i will get right on that!

- it was that this time all hell broke loose-

me: *looks out in the parking lot to see not one not two but all, yes all of my patio furniture from third floor laying in the parking lot and just then i see a tv fall to the ground* HOLY ****! *runs out the door*

*screaming that i could hear running up the steps to 3rd floor* "your a piece of ****! i cant brelieve you would smoke my last cigarette you boofalo ****in squirrel **** eating ass clown"

me: holy ****! porkchop is ****ing pissed! *arrives out of breath to 3rd floor* HEY HEY HEY! YOU TWO NEED TO KNOCK IT THE ****....

*pork chop throws a ash tray at me, just as it passes me i hear it break the sound barrier*

me: SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT! *DUCKS* WTF! LOOK YOU BEST STOP OR IM GOING TO CALL THE COPS!

*porkchop is now ignoring me and is attempting to throw her husband off the 3rd floor railing, yes they are hammered drunk*

dag: "ima kill you, you sorry ****er! how dare you smoke my last cig!"

me: *calls the cops"

911: 911 whats your emergency?

me: yes my name is -------- and im at the --------- and there are two indians beating the **** out of each other on my patio

911: sir?

me: SEND THE COPS! THE FAT ONE IS TRYING TO EAT THE LITTLE ONE!

911: ok sir units are dispatched and on the way

me: *hags up phone and hides in ice room*

-about 29 seconds later, two squads show up-

me: oh thank god!

-by this point the husband was locked in the bathroom narrowly avoiding being eaten, and porkchop was dragging out all the furniture on to the patio saying all the while " your ass can live outside just like that chicken of yours!"

me: wtf does that even mean!

- cops arrive on the balcony to find me hiding in the ice room and porkchop the great white grizzly bear destroying the room-

cops- mam, your under arrest for destruction of property and DIP (drunk in pubic)

dag: *grabs a remote off the table and squares up to fight.....i **** you not...*

cops: *circling the enraged wildebeest, one goes in for the kill and nails a lucky blow to the back of her knee and she drops like a 900 pound bag of booze, **** and regret* your going to jail!

me: oh snap!

20 mins later after filling out a report

cops: ok have a nice night.

me: wa....wait, whos going to help me clean.....

cops: no me... *leaves*

so there i sat, parking lot covered in furniture, 3rd floor could legally be turned into fema for government aid and 302 completely destroyed.

me: *looks around......locks the doors and goes home*
 

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Needs moar meat
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Lmfao, Rocco does it again :lmao

These stories are the absolute best, man.

Also, the fat one trying to eat the little one, pure gold. Siggied lol
 

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OMG I can't read these at the office anymore... I'm crying i'm laughing so hard. Did you really tell 911 the fat one was going to eat the little one?

Love the added gif images by the way
 

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Speedy Mchauls Ass
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1,531 Posts
Discussion Starter #240
OMG I can't read these at the office anymore... I'm crying i'm laughing so hard. Did you really tell 911 the fat one was going to eat the little one?

Love the added gif images by the way
Yes that actually happened, i was in a panic and the cops even had a good laugh about it after they had got porkchop back under control.

The cop said, " i damn near crashed my squad car when dispatch came accross the radio and said ( requesting units for --------- caller says there is a large female attempting to eat a smaller male suspect?).
 
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